Long John's - Washington, P-A

That's pronounced "Warsh-ing-ton."

Gassing Up in La Vale, MD

Birthday means cake.

In the Bell of the Trombone

The first printed reference to "Base ball"

At the Newseum

Hangin' Close to the Cookie Platter

Merry Christmas to the Oakwood Wiffle and Ale Club

Ahh, the Sunday Washington Post

Taking in Rocky Gap State Park

Pumping Gas in Zanesville

The Wiffies

Friday, January 18, 2013 at Tank's.

The Rules Committee will also meet on Friday, January 18, 2013 at Tank's.

Before the Rules Committee

Before the Rules Committee stands a doorkeeper. To this doorkeeper
there comes a Wiffler and asks to address the Committee, but the
doorkeeper says he cannot grant admittance at the moment. The Wiffler
thinks it over and then asks if he will be allowed to address the
Committee later. "It is possible," says the doorkeeper, "but not at the
moment." Since the gate stands open, as usual, and the doorkeeper steps
to one side, the Wiffler stoops to peer through the gateway into the
interior. Observing this, the doorkeeper laughs and says: "If you are
so attracted to it, just try to go in, despite my prohibition, but
notice, I am powerful and I am the least of the doorkeepers. From room
to room there is one doorkeeper after another, each more powerful than
the last. The third doorkeeper is so fierce that I am afraid to even
look at him." These are difficulties that the Wiffler has not
anticipated; the Rules Committee should be accessible to all, he thinks,
and at all times, but now, as he takes a look at the doorkeeper in his
team jersey, with his large forearms, he decides it is better to wait
until he gets permission to enter. The doorkeeper gives him a chair and
lets him sit down at one side of the door. There the Wiffler sits for
days and months and years. he makes many attempts to be granted
admittance and annoys the doorkeeper with his relentlessness. The
doorkeeper frequently has little conversations with him, asking him
questions about his home and family and many other things, but the
questions are posed with indifference and always finish with the
statement that the Wiffler can't be let in yet. The Wiffler, who has
equipped himself with many things for his journey, gives them all to the
doorkeeper as a bribe. The doorkeeper accepts everything, but always
with the remark: "I'm only taking it to keep you from thinking you have
forgotten anything." Over all the many years, the Wiffler fixes his
attention on the doorkeeper. He forgets the other doorkeepers, and this
first one seems to him the sole obstacle preventing access to the Rules
Committee. He curses his bad luck, boldly when he is younger, and
loudly, but as he grows older he only grumbles to himself. After a long
time his eyesight begins to fail him, but he doesn't know whether the
world is really darker or his eyes are just deceiving him. In his
darkness he is now aware of a radiant glow that emanates from the
gateway of the Rules Committee. He doesn't have long to live. Before
he dies, all his experiences force a question to the forefront of his
mind. One that he has never asked. He waves the doorkeeper over, since
he can no longer raise his arthritic body. The doorkeeper has to bend
low to hear him and says, "can you never be satisfied - what do you want
to know now?" "All players yearn to address the Rules Committee," says
the Wiffler, "so how come in all these years no one but myself has ever
begged to be let in." The doorkeeper recognizes that the Wiffler has
reached his end, and, in deference to his failed hearing, yells in his
ear: "No other Wiffler could ever be admitted to the Rules committee
through this gate, since it was made only for you and now I'm going to
shut it."

Rules Committee Agenda

The Commissioner formally has announced the date of the 2013 Wiffies - January 18, 2013 at Tank's. As the Oakwood Wifflle and Ale Club's annual awards banquet, the Wiffies are an event not to be missed.

Join in the celebration of all that is great in our game: BE THERE.

As your erstwhile stats keeper I humbly ask that you remember, too, the annual meeting of the Rules Committee that precedes the Banquet.  I present, here, for your review and comment, the draft agenda for the Rules Committee:

1. Call to Order (another round)
2. Acceptance of Final 2012 League Statistics
3. Election of the Commissioner for 2013
4. Consideration of Rule Changes for 2013
5. Clarification of the Grievances
6. Adjourn (let's eat)

What is needed is a good list of rules for the consideration (and likely rejection) of the committee. These get suggested all season long, but no one (me) writes them down. Help me out by adding proposed rules to the comments below.  I'll add them to the agenda. Here are 2 I can remember:

• Fair/Foul for Ground Outs - is it where the pitcher's feet are, or where the ball is (when fielded)?
• The New Jersey Tag-up Rule - would allow a run to score on a fly ball with a runner at third and less than 2 out.

What else?

Festival of Light

Happy Hanukkah to the

Oakwood Wiffle and Latke Club!!

Reportedly 21-9

I believe none of this, whatsoever.

When I had to leave, in order that my daughter may continuously improve on her swimming skills, it was 18 - 0.  Am I to ken that AFTER my departure, only then was my team able to string together the necessary hits to assemble nine runs?

Supposing that removing my 0-for-3 from the lineup would be some boost, it is apparently the case that my home team brethren outscored the Visitor Overlords by a 9 to 3 margin.  If one were to consider my departure a "change of game" then, I say the Homeboys won the second game 9 - 3 and the day amounts to a split double header. A draw.

Game 1
Jeremy, Ben, Kurt - 18
Glen, Matt J., Matt L., Pete - 0

Game 2
Jeremy, Ben, Kurt - 3
Glen, Matt J., Pete - 9

Affirmed.

Once again upon the boards!

The Blogger has just competed a very successful run in the role of Drosselmeyer in the Pontecorvo Ballet Studios' 20th Anniversary Production of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's most enduring work, The Nutcracker. Two performances in the fine auditorium of Northridge High School on Timber Lane, were enjoyed by packed houses of parents, grandparents and sugar-addled siblings of the talented dancers of the Pontecorvo school.

[Photo would be here if I had any, yet. Grr.]

In the words of one critic, "Lindsay's re-imagined Steampunk watchmaker, Herr Drosselmeyer, romped hair-raisingly across the stage. It was nothing short of bizarre!" It was in a word, exquisite; but not too much, so as not to distract from the real purpose of the evening: a showcase of the dancing!

I am the betting favorite to win a Tony at the Wiffies.

An open letter to the Blog

Two weeks have gone by since the famous "suck" rant appeared on these pages. In that time, two games have been played, one theory session has been conducted and, oh, yeah....a President was re-elected.  Where has the blog been?  Take a look around this site for a minute.  When was the last time stats were updated?  When was the last time an article soared to the heights of rhetorc and stirred the loins of men?  This place is looking more and more like Cabrini-Green.  Romney grafitti, busted links, bitter comments sprinkled about like so many crack vials!  On October 28 the blog said it was "Nice to be back bloggin' after all that acting stuff."  Really?  Because a T.W.I.W. fan can hardly tell.  I think we've all paid a lot for this site, in blood, treasure and dignity.  Start writing, Lindsay.....or else!!

Fall Classic

Romney Wins!!  

This game...

..sucked. Stats sucked. Then he sucked again. And then he completed the hat trick of suck.

Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Sucking suck. The whole sucking day sucked!!!!

Kevin C. pitched well.

Suck, Kurt - 2 runs, 17 hits
Pete, Kevin C., Glen - 3 runs, 13 hits

W: Berwald
L: SUCK!!! (Lindsay)
HR - none

Next week can we just go to breakfast?

All Bluster

Cold temps, stiff winds, and lascivious jokes in unaccented English filled morning at Nance Bradds today. The score of 12 - 1 says all you need to know about the game. Glen's uncharacteristically flat pitches generously provided the needed baserunners, and subsequent RBI, for the rout.

Da Commish surrendered the single tally by Kurt and Glen. But they had him on the ropes; could have been much worse, but Pete worked out of it. Home pitching shut them down the rest of the way.

But the talk was P.E.G.'s - performance enhancing gloves. Stats wore a pair of Carhart work gloves while in the field and in the dugout. He did not pitch or bat with them. Still, this was regarded as a questionable choice in light of tradition, manliness and the "rules." Had he dropped any of those fly balls he caught in centerfield, this is a whole different conversation, by the way.

Nice to be back bloggin' after all that acting stuff.

Eric, Peter, Matt - 12
Kurt, Glen - 1

WP - Zamonski
LP - Cebulash
HR - none.

Real Men Pull; Thespians Go the Other Way

Ok, ok! I've done the stats.  I've been busy, what with memorizing my lines, building sets, rehearsing and so forth.

There's been a couple of games.  Some people drove in runs and won games. Others allowed runs to score and lost. These things happen all the time. Timeless ebb and flow of the game, yadda yadda.

Curious question arose during the game on September 29th.  After the fifth inning of play, it seemed that the game was over as Matt had to leave in 15 minutes, and there wasn't time for another inning. Hands were shook.

But Matt offered to pitch a few and invited all who to take a crack in the box. And as it turned out he pitched a fairly brisk, scoreless inning.  So Glen hustled back to the dugout and he and Matt proceeded to put up 7 runs on Hansoo to cap off the greatest comeback in wiffle history. Except that no one was writing these down on the scoresheet. So none of it counted.

So the question is, "When does a wiffle game end?"

When you stop keeping score.

"Counterfactual!" says he.

One of the following two statements is a "counter-factual". The other is not.  See if you, while reading this blog on your electronic device, can pick out which is the "counter-factual."

Statement A: "If Mosser had struck out Berwald instead of giving up a dinger, today, he would have allowed only one run."

Statement 2: "If you disregard the players with fewer than 7 innings pitched, Lindsay is in the top three in pitching in the OW&AC this season."

Can you see the subtle difference in the two statements? One (A) asks you to imagine a scenario which did not occur. The other (2) filters outlier data so that the broader truth is revealed.

To wit:

Clearly, this nameless batter-runner is OUT. He is out because the Umpire said he's out. One might construe this picture in a way to argue that the umpire could also have made another call. But he did not. IF he made a different call, that would be a counter-factual. Besides that batter-runner is a low down weasel and he deserves to be out every time.

[Does that hurt this traitor's feelings? Aww. Rub some hundred dollar bills on it, you'll feel better.]

I digress. There was wiffle today. A tidy little 3 on 2 affair in which Stats and da Commish built a nice lead, and then held on for a close victory in a nail-biting final inning.

Peter brought his camera, so we have an illustrated account. Here goes....

Rookie of the year candidate, Doug Klein gave up two runs in the first. (And another in the fourth, including a rare home run off overhand pitching for Stats.)

Then Kurt allowed two more in the second, including a dinger by Peter. There was a predictable result...

 The indignity of Orioles fandom. 

Pete, not pictured since it was his camera, and Matt held Kurt, Doug and Eric Kvalheim scoreless until the bottom of the last inning when they got two runs in, and then loaded the bases with none out.  At this point Peter bore down, working two K's and a ground out to end the game.

Had Kvalheim allowed a run in the top of the sixth - that would be counter-factual. In the end, only Matt and Eric were unscoredupon.

Peter, Matt - 5 runs, 14 hits

Doug, Eric, Kurt - 2 runs, 12 hits

W: Lindsay

L: Klein

HR: Berwald (4), Lindsay (3)

What Kind of Pitch is That?!

It is suggested that you read this post, aloud, using an English accent.

A hot August day began with a warm morning and seven wifflers at Nance Bradds. The game was no disappointment to those seven, nor the four spectators. Indeed the home-boys came back not once, not twice but three times to finally nail down this 8-7 win.

Of course to come back three times, a team must surrender the lead three times, and they did that, too. The Artist gave up at least a run each of the three times he pitched, including a three-run fourth inning. The Visitors rode Glen's underarm offerings to break ties at 0-0, 3-3 and 6-6.

But they could not hold their 3-0, 6-3 or 7-6 leads. Ben coughed up three-run innings in the second and sixth. After the sixth the score was knotted at six.  Then came the Artist for his third trip to the mound (see above).

But after Glen surrendered the 6-6 tie in the top of the seventh, giving the Visitors a 7-6 lead, Professor Mosser and Stats set in motion a very elaborate ruse. Here's how it went:

1. Kurt took the mound for the bottom of the seventh, and as he walked to the outfield Matt announced very loudly, "This is it - bottom of the last inning! If they don't score, it's over."
2. Kurt retires the home team, giving up just a single and no runs. Visitors walk off the field and commence the post-game hand shakes.
3. Home team is a bit puzzled and ask if game must be over.
4. Matt responds, "Well, we've all pitched twice, and you all have pitched at least two times..."
5. Home teams says they have time for one more inning.  Visitors demur, and agree to one more inning.
6. Da Commish pitches a scoreless top of the 8th.
7. Kurt re-takes the mound to pitch the bottom of the 8th - Home team says it can't be Kurt's turn.
8. Kurt puts on his best chagrined smile and tosses the ball to Matt, who commences his warm up tosses.
9. Home team cries foul. Demands that Jeremy pitch.
10. Matt insists we have all pitched twice.
11. Da Commish checks the scoresheet. (Damn!) Confirms it is Jeremy's turn to pitch.

Jeremy didn't retire a batter, allowing 5 straight hits and two runs.  Walk off.

Jeremy, Kurt, Matt, Ben - 7 runs, 20 hits

Dave, Glen, Pete - 8 runs, 22 hits

W: Berwald

L: Long

BS: Long (the full Papelbon)

HR: Eldridge, Berwald

Final Score was 8-7. The Home Team over zealously chalked runs from their walk off hit.

Whole Bunch of What If's

Late in the game today, The Artist certified the contest as qualifying for the "Greatest Comeback in Wiffle History" moniker, should the visitors be able to produce such a comeback, against Dave (R-OH)'s pitching.

They didn't. It wasn't.

Very early in the game, second at-bat of the game, actually, Stats very nearly put two different foul balls through the hoop. Nearly a Grand Slam.

He didn't. It wasn't.

A little later, The Artist, with the bases loaded, hit a long fly ball more or less right at Stats patrolling center field. It came down past the homer line. If Stats catches it, it's an out.

He didn't. It was a Grand Slam.

In the course of a game these feel like key moments. Four runs you almost got, four more you gave away. But in this game, that potential What IF eight-run-swing?

Wouldn't have been enough.

Jeremy, Matt, Peter - 5
Glen, Dave - 15

W: Cebulash
L: Lindsay

HR - Cebulash, Berwald

Notes:

• Matt didn't bring a scoresheet, which in retrospect may seem to be intentional. He gave up five in the first.
• Jeremy seems to be figuring this game out, compiling a nice string of hits today, and was the only Visitor pitcher not to surrender any runs.

Pitchers Duel

Cy Young, Jim Palmer, Bob Gibson and Walter Johnson showed up to play wiffle this evening - with predictable results.

Kurt, Dave - 0
Matt, Eric Z - 0

Saturday Morning Wiff

Two new guys came to play, a couple of libertarians, both of whom are
former students of the Commish. Dave (R-OH) said it was okay because
they weren't actually Republicans (citing the Eldridge Clause of the
bylaws which limits the number of registered Republicans to one). Pete
and Glen got into a "maturity" contest - they both lost. Kurt hit a
walk-off home run. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...........

Wednesday Night Wiff

10-3  

What We Mean When We Talk About Wiffle-Courage

“Fast cars, fine ass, these things will pass and it won’t get more profound.

Time is a game only children do well. 

How can I love you if you won’t lie down?”

 

-Silver Jews, Tanglewood Numbers

 

 

Many of you will perhaps vaguely recall an “occasional” column in the blog titled “Profiles in Wiffle courage”, and a few of you will perhaps even care.  Good for you, you few, because that “caring” is a form of wiffle-Courage.  Or, to be more precise, the first step toward Wiffle-Courage.  What’s the second step you ask?  Excellent question and one, I might add, that I’m now prepared to answer in succinct fashion:

SHOWING THE FUCK UP!!!

 

You want to know who the last man is?  I’ll tell you who, it’s the rook, Jeremy Long.  He may be new, but he instantly recognized what this game’s really about:  lounging around, swatting helplessly at meatballs, moving slower than glass, drinking beers in the morning and dreaming of the badlands!   It’s a smile and a shoeshine!  A thousand acres of green grass!  A sky so blue it makes you cry.  In a word, it’s Love. 

 

No wiffle, no justice.

 

Glen

Superlative Game Story

A post from Glen.

Like the pairing of Eric Clapton and Jeff Beck or Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman or Georgie Jessel and Sophie Tucker, the seemingly indestructible duo of Dave and Kurt, those Titans of the Tarmac, those Alexanders of the Asphalt just can't seem to get the job done.

In Saturday's statistically insignificant game Dave, Kurt and new man Jeremy (henceforth known as "Human Rain Delay") went up against Pete and Glen and dominated the morning, going into the last inning with a 5-0 lead.  With "HRD" on the mound in the top of the third they managed to surrender 7 runs (along with their pride, dignity and reputations), conceding what some around the league are now calling the "greatest" comeback of the season.

Perhaps in the future, these Sultans of Stats will opt to oppose one another instead of joining forces.  If not, the blog has one word for them: Ishtar.

Warning: Blog Stat!

Just this week, no kidding, "This Week In Whiff" passed the 10,000 views mark.  This is momentous in the same way it was momentous when the Phillies passed 10,000 losses. Something to behold.

And it was a team effort; everyone of you reading this now, are part of our next 10,000. So, thank you!

Speaking of team efforts, there was a game in a hot wind at Nance Bradds' Field this evening, and it was NOT a shutout. Indeed it was a back-and-forth five inning affair, complete with a couple of lead changes. Yup, it was in fact .. exciting.

This game, the 21st of the season, saw the return of "The Artist" to the asphalt, and was the debut of Rookie of the Year candidate, Jeremy Long.

The Visitors got the scoring started in the second with a very looooong home run off Kurt's bat (did I mention Glen was back?). They tacked on a third in the third, christening Mr. Long's debut in the pitching stats.

They gave 'em all back and then some when Brent took the ball in the bottom of the fourth, allowing six runs on nine singles. Credit Glen with 3 RBI, Dave with 2 and Jeremy with 1. 6 to 3 after four innings.

Dave repeated his 3 up, 3 down, 3K performance from the first in the fourth, but Glen, called upon to hold the three run lead in the fifth, could not get it done.  He gave up another dinger to Kurt (this one not so long, but a crushed line drive), as well as a 2-Run double to Kurt to tie the score.  Then, with two out, bases loaded, Brent Mack pulled a single down the line for the difference maker!

After Kurt's 1-2-3 bottom of the fifth, it was all wrapped up.  A 7-6 win for the visitors, and a nice night for Krash: 4-for-8, 2 HR, 2B, 6 rbi.

Kurt, Matt, Pete, Brent - 7 runs, 15 hits

Dave, Glen, Jeremy - 6 runs, 12 hits

W: Mackintosh

L: Cebulash

S: Mosser

BS: Cebulash

HR - Mosser (2)

Try Not To Let It Get To Your Head

Astute observers of the Wiffle game will note a number of similarities between this game and another popular pastime: Base Ball. Both, for instance, are played in the United States of America. A keener eye will note that both involve small spheres called "balls" and thin cylindrical "bats." Finally, Spalding (2006) published an eloquent piece spotlighting the fact that they are both invariably associated with Ale, tattoos and expectorating. 


With me so far?


One can see they they are the same, really, but just vary in degree. Wiffle is played before small crowds in niche venues. Base ball is played in front of tens of thousands of fans in stadia that do not allow for any meaningful interaction with the athletes.


And now to my point: in each wiffle at-bat many things are possible; in each base ball at-bat many many things are possible. And in both games, most of the possible things .. are bad. Think about it. There are four kinds of hits and six ways to be put out. It has to be that way; if outs were hard to come by the first Wiffle game would still be going on.


So a Wiffler must not dwell on the last game, the last inning-pitched or the last at-bat. Did you ground into a double play with the bases loaded last week? Forget it. Did you go 18-for-31 in your last two games? Put it out of your mind. Strike out the side did you? That was then, this is now.


You are in this at-bat, in this inning, in THIS game.


In today's play, some players put early strikeouts aside and assembled a nice string of ABs. Others dwelt in deepening pits of gloom through much of the game. Some were throwing bats in the second inning.


Home standing Dave E., Kurt and Brent hosted Pete, Stats and rookie of the year candidate Kevin "Kid" Campbell in a six inning affair in perfect weather. Kurt and Dave lived up to their pitching reputations, combining on four scoreless innings, but neither really got the bats going. When they weren't pitching, the Visitors were putting together three-run innings against Brent.


Kid Campbell capped off the scoring with a 2-out, bases-loaded triple in the fifth, filling out the 6-0 final score. A nice start to his Wiff career Kevin C. went 5-for-11 (including a 2B and a 3B) and 3 rbi. But, don't let it get to your head. Next week is a whole 'nuther game.


Pete, Matt, Kevin C. - 6 runs, 16 hits
Brent, Dave E., Kurt - 0 runs, 5 hits


W: Lindsay
L: Mackintosh


HR: none (when does Glen come back?)

Let it go. Just let it go.

Bastille Day Blowout

Wherein we witness the emergence of the new Brent Mackintosh

Our special season of guest wifflers in celebration of the da Commish's Golden Jubilee continued with visits from Stat's long time friends - Dave and Barbara. A long time follower of the blog and the stats, Lt. Col David Guarriello, stationed this summer at Ft. Knox, KY, drew a 48-hour pass and came up to play a little wiff, and catch a Reds-Cardinals game in Cincinnati. Barbara Russo flew in from Washington for a weekend with Dave, and got caught up in the wiffle excitement, too.

Stats, the Poet and our guests took on Brent, Krash and the Commish. Only in the first inning would Brent and his boys fail to score, plating 13 total runs in the second through the sixth.  In contrast, Stats and the newbies only scored in the bottom of the sixth, avoiding the second straight shutout by only a couple of outs.

But let's look closer at Brent's week, shall we? Brent appeared in both the All-Star game on Wednesday and Saturday's drizzly (sometimes rainy) Bastille Day game. All told here are his stat lines:

18-for-31 (0.580), with a double and a triple (slugging: 0.677) and 8 RBI. Two-game OPS of 1.257!!!

Lest you think his pitching line offset these Ruthian numbers, here they are:

4 IP, 12 hits and 4 runs allowed three strikeouts. A two-game ERA of 9.00!!!

If we made player of the week awards (which I am NOT suggesting) I think Brent would win it this week.

Brent, Kurt, Peter - 13 runs, 27 hits

Barbara, Dave, Fred, Matt - 4 runs, 13 hits

W: Mosser

L: Russo

HR: None

I don't always play wiffle, but when I do... I kick butt.

All-Star Game - July 11, 2012

In an eerie case of Art imitating Life, the game declared as our All-Star game was a blow-out, shutout and was over pretty early.

AL starter, Matt Lindsay did manage to escape a first inning bases loaded jam, but after that the NL All Stars scored 2 runs in the 2nd, 4 in the 3rd, 2 in the 4th, and 1 in the 5th. Kind of a piling on situation, one might say, as all they needed was 1.

AL batters were hitless into the fourth.  I really thought we might have the OW&AC's first ever PERFECT GAME. It was not to be as Kev Gutekunst managed a seeing-eye single off NL pitcher Mosser to lead off the 4th. In the bottom of the sixth, the AL managed to load the bases, but Brent Mack induced a game ending grounder to preserve the shutout.

Brent, Eric, Kurt - 9 runs, 24 hits
Kevin, Matt, Peter - 0 runs, 4 hits

W: Mosser
L: Gutekunst

HR - None

Mack - 8 for 15, 3 RBI
Bandit - 7 for 14, 3 doubles, 2 RBI
Krash - 10 for 14, triple, 4 RBI

Guts - 2 for 8
Stats - 0 for 7
Commish - 2 for 7

A rare Saturday game - June 23, 2012

So four wifflers gathered to play what is now three weeks ago or something.  High scoring, six-inning affair which featured a lot of hits.  The guy who went 12-for-22, 0.545 (Herr Cebulash) had the WORST day at the plate - average wise, as Kaveman Kvalheim hit at a .550 clip, da Commish put up a .555 and Dr. Mosser went for a cool .600.

There were other events of note, I suppose. Mosser gave up five runs, blah blah blah. Glen drove in 10, yadda yadda yadda.  But hey!! Look at this:

That is Matt "Stats" Lindsay sitting at the Official Scorer's seat at FENWAY PAHK, baby!! That is an awesome Saturday by any statistic.

Solstice Wiffle

Krash Mosser plated all four runs for his team with two 2-rbi triples, coming in consecutive at-bats in the top of the fifth inning off Flo Anderson.  The Homeboys scored three in the third inning off Guts Gutekunst, who returned to the mound in the sixth to throw a shutdown inning.


Rookie of the Year candidate (i.e. new guy) Erik K. hurled two scoreless innings, as did the Commish. Krash and Stats each threw three scoreless.


Kurt, Peter, Kevin - 4 runs, 9 hits
Chris, Erik, Matt - 3 runs, 8 hits


W: Mosser
L: Anderson
S: Mosser


HR - none

The Charge of Pete and Kev

HALF an inning, half an inning
Half an inning onward,
All on the asphalt of Nance Bradds Field
Rode Pete and Kev.
'Forward, the hitters!
Charge for extra bases!' he said:
Onto the asphalt of Nance Bradds Field
Rode Pete and Kev.

'Forward, the hitters!'
Was there a spectator dismayed?
Not that the players knew
Some one had blundered, but
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Onto the asphalt of Nance Bradds Field
Rode Pete and Kev.

Fielders to right of them,
Fielders to left of them,
Pitcher in front of them
Overhanded and undered;
Stormed at with bat and pluck
Boldly they played and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode Pete and Kev.

Flashed all their bats bare,
Flashed as they swung in air
Swatting at the mighty strokes
Charging like a storm, while
All the town wondered:
Plunged in the chalky dust
Nineteen runs they gave to  
Kurt and Glen
Reeled from the bat-stroke
Shattered and sundered
Others would have gone under
But not Pete and Kev.

Fielders to the right of them,
Fielders to left of them,
Pitcher in front of them
Overhanded and undered;
Stormed at with bat and pluck,
While Pete and Kevin fell,
They that had played so well
Came through the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of Pete and Kev.

When can their glory fade ?
O the futile charge!
All the town wondered.
Honor the charge they made!
Honor the sacrifice laid,
Noble Pete and Kev!


Glen, Kurt - 19
Pete and Kev - 6

Farewell, Cpl. Peter Newkirk

Please enjoy this look at wifflers past - from back in the day when the ball was MUCH larger and before Sgt. Carter made them start keeping stats. RIP, Corporal Newkirk.

Archival wiffle photo.

Saturday, Glen and Pete defeated Ben and Kurt, somehow. Final score, 11-9, I believe. No stats = old school.

Memorial Day Scoresheet

Those of you who eschew the scoresheet, preferring others to record the batter-by-batter events of the game are, from time to time, missing out on a little bit of wiffle magic.  Here's today's scoresheet:

Peter "your Commish" Berwald took most of the scoring duties for the home team today. I took most of that job for the visitors, and had the pleasure of watching, inning-by-inning, as Peter decorated the scoresheet with his expert sketches.  Here's a detail:

Infantryman, by da Commish

There's other interesting stuff to see on the scoresheet, such as:

• Peter's two scoreless innings of pitching.
• Matt and Kurt each went 8-for-12 at the plate.
• Glen's third inning Grand Slam.
• The Visitors' late comeback in the fourth and fifth innings.
• Fred's scoreless pitching in the sixth for the save.

Happy Memorial Day.

What a Piece of Work

What a piece of work is a Wiffler, how noble in batting, how
infinite in pitches, in fielding and swing how express and
admirable, in sitting how like an angel, in chalking-runs how like
a god! The beauty of the world, the paragon of athletes—and yet,
dear friends, what is this quintessence of plastic?

Fred, Kurt, Matt - 7 r, 19 h
Dave, Glen, Pete - 5 r, 12 h

W: Mosser
L: Cebulash
S: Kirchner

HR: Cebulash (Grand Slam) - his 8th.

Steamed and Pressed

Memorial Day Weekend Blogger: Peter Berwald!

It was a hot and hazy Saturday morning as three regular participants showed up to play some wiffle ball. The usual pre-game chatter took place about who had won in the “bigs” and what the guys had done the previous night while the Commish re-chalked the field (remnants of chalk remained from Thursday night's game)..

And then the surreal occurred. Ben "Tag" showed up to play, he walked on the field with a child-like grin and extra “swag” in his step.  He was coming in off of a good game the other day, and he was hungry for more-and he didn't disappoint the fans....in theory.

Not to be outdone, who came coasting in on his bike? Han Soo, that’s who. No driving to Columbus for graduate school today, and a clearly he was looking forward to having break from the usual parenting routine. Like Ben, he came to play… in theory.

The sides were chosen; Peter "The Commish" and Han Soo “Two Strike” took the field.

With a runner on first and two outs, who was next to show up? Brent “Mac Daddy" Mackintosh! 3 per side! Play ball!

The visitors loaded up the bases and Kurt (Krash) Mosser knocked in a run to start the scoring. He followed up his RBI inning shutting down the home-team as Han Soo, Brent and Pete began a day of anemic hitting including against the likes of Ben and Glen, a couple of pitchers accustomed to giving up a run or two.

As the game progressed, the visitors pecked away with consistent hitting and timely RBI’s while the home-team couldn’t seem to put it all together including a bases-loaded ground out by the Commish against Glen in the bottom of the 4^th.

The game ended with all three home-team “hitters” flying out to deep left against “The Artist, Glen Cebulash.”

Photo courtesy of Brent Mackintosh

The final score says it all, visitors 10, home 0.

Ben 8 for 14 with a triple, and 4 RBI’s. He gave up 3 hits from the mound.

Glen 7 for 14 with two doubles and 3 RBI’s. He gave up 3 hits as well.

Kurt 9 for 14 (all singles) with 4 RBI’s. He gave up 3 hits...hmm, sense a pattern?

Brent 2 for 9 at the plate (singles). He gave up 5 runs from the hill.

Han Soo 3 hits (singles) for 9 at bats. He gave up 2 runs.

Pete 4 for 9, all singles. He gave up 3 runs.

Side notes; Glen made a great catch on a line-drive from the Commish. Kurt hit a shot that hit the wall in a millisecond for a powerful…single. It would've cleared the fence and then some. "The wall giveth..." There were probably 10 pop-ups by everybody. The home-team had no extra-base hits. The Commish went up and over giving up 50 plus runs for the season…he obviously needs to back himself up with better fielders.

Wiffle Picture Puzzler

A snap from tonight's action...

Does anything seem unusual about this picture? Make your guesses in the comments.

That Game in May

May 19, 2012 brought us truly perfect weather conditions for one of Oakwood's most cherished traditions... Saturday Morning Wiffle. We were doubly blessed with surprise players as Eric "The Bandit" Zamonski and Ben "Tag" Montague were among the eight (count 'em EIGHT!) who bestrode the asphalt at Nance Bradds this morning.

Nothing could diminish the the joy of playing the game. Not even finding a big ass truck parked in the deep outfield.

Fortunately, the aforementioned Zamonski always has purple spray paint handy.  Thus we were able to make lemons into lemonade:

And for four of our number the game lived up to the idyllic conditions. Seven crisp innings were played featuring lead changes, gold-glove defense, some tough pitching, and a close win for the Visitors

Scoreless into the bottom of the third, Ben Montague made his return to the rubber. Rudely greeted by the Home team, and surrendered two runs, both driven in by da Commish, including a triple under the truck.

The lead was short-lived, though as Glen took his turn to pitch and allowed five runs on seven consecutive one-out hits (the last a double by Fred "The Poet" Kirchner), giving the Visitors the five runs they'd need for today's win.

But as I said, it was a beautiful day for a beautiful game. And everyone could walk away feeling they had a good game. Check out these stats:

VISITORS:

Matt: 2 IP, 0 hits, 0 runs, 4 K.

Kurt: 5-for-10, 3B, 2B, 1 rbi.

Peter: 2 IP, 0 runs. 6-for-10, 3 rbi.

Glen: 5-for-11, 2 2B.

HOME:

Ben: 1-for-9, 1 rbi. Earned the Win and the Save!

Dave: 4-for-9, 1 rbi. (We won't talk about the pitching.)

Eric: 2-for-8, 1 rbi. 2 IP, 0 runs, 5 K.

Fred: 6-for-7, 2B, 2 game-winning rbi. 1 IP, 0 runs. 

Notes:

• It was also "Bring your wife to the game day." Kirsten Halling, Karen Lindsay and Michelle Eldridge each paid visits and witnessed the jocularity.
• The only sour note on Fred's stellar plate work, was that he still runs to first after each hit. I guess it works for him, but it is unbecoming a wiffler. Be sure to attend the next Theory, as there will be a round on The Poet; such was the fine imposed by da Commish.

Double Header! Wiff followed by Theory

The real men played two. Matt just played one. And the rest of ya'll....

Displaying the tremendous foresight we rely on from a Commissioner, Peter declared we must play tonight as there will be no opportunity to play over the Mother's Day weekend. Thus did five guys answer the call and came to the "field" for our weekly bat and ball play.

In Matt's case: "weakly."

Pete and Dave (R-OH) absolutely dominated the seemingly competent lineup of Glen, Kurt and Matt. At one stretch they retired 13 in a row - and that includes pitching underhand to Glen. After six innings, they had a lead of 4-0, but it seemed to be so much more. Really, they shoulda won.

But they didn't.

The visitors somehow talked them into another inning or two. Peter was on the phone, making sure he had the time. He coulda said he had to go.

But he didn't.

Dave took the mound in the top of the seventh for his fourth inning. He had faced 10 batters all night to get the nine outs he'd already recorded. But outs 11 and 12 proved harder to find.  A one-out rally - single, single, single, triple - produced three runs. The triple was curated by Glen, and pulled his team within one.

After Kurt pitched a scoreless bottom of the seventh, Peter pitched the top of the eighth - his fourth inning on the mound. He was battered for six hits, including 3 doubles, and three runs; this after a good night of pitching from da Commish: 3 innings, 4 hits, 0 runs, 3 K prior to the 8th inning.

In the fading light of evening, Matt came on to get the three batter save, making up for his poor showing with the bat: (3-for-13, 0 rbi). 

Glen, Kurt, Matt - 6

Dave, Peter - 4

W: Mosser

L: Berwald

S: Lindsay

BS: Berwald (the Full Papelbon)

The game was followed by a cool-down on Kurt's porch and then a trip to Tank's for Theory.

Derby Day

So your ever-diligent and faithful stat-keeper and blogger logged in today to once again chronicle the manly doings on the asphalt at Smith this morning.  And when I did, what did I see???

Stats. About the Blog!! Stats about the Stats Blog!!!  I need a cold shower. And just look at their recommendation...

Is that not awesome? Since they suggest the need for "MORE STATS", I will promise the Overhand/Underhand Split stats by midnight Sunday!!

This all of course made my day, because the game this morning did not. The home-boys, Dave, Glen and Kurt (who makes these teams?) blasted Pete and Matt to the tune of the Theme from Hogan's Heroes 12 to 2.

They scored in each of the first four innings: 1 off Matt in the first, 3 off Pete in the second, 1 off Matt in the third, and 7 off Pete in the fourth. Matt did manage a scoreless fifth, but I think they were just being nice.

There was an early glimmer of hope as the Visitors took a short-lived 2-1 lead in the second inning, with Peter driving in the runs with a double and a ground out. Charge both those runs to Glen, who was otherwise masterful with the underhand magic.

Good offensive numbers all around for the winners. Dave had 8 hits and 4 RBI; Glen had 7 hits and 5 RBI; Kurt 7 hits, 3 RBI.

Final score: H to 12.

Pete, Matt - 2

Glen, Dave Kurt - 12

W: Eldridge

L: Berwald

HR - Cebulash (his third on the year)

Intra-squad Game

And the eye-witness account from our beat reporter:

Pete, Kurt and I were the only players.  We decided on a round robin, non-stat keeping game. I gave up 14 runs to Kurt, but no runs to Pete.  Kurt gave up 4 runs to Pete.  Pete gave up three runs to me and 4 runs to Kurt.  Pete and Kurt hit a home run off each other.

New OW&AC Drinking Song

Sung to the tune of the Theme from Hogan's Heroes.

Wiffle heroes, men of bat and ball,
Saturday at nine we'll listen to the wall.
Wiffle heroes, raise up your beer-o's
You ask the questions
We make suggestions
That's what we're wifflers for.

Wiffle heroes love a good, big fight
Chalk up the asphalt, swing with all your might.
We applaud the people who laud us.
Hang out the bunting,
Remember: no running!
That's what we're wifflers for.

Never flinch, boys, never be afraid,
Pitches may hit you, but they cause no pain.
Ask not why, boys, don't clarify, boys,
Answer the call, and

Strike out 'em all!

We're wifflers forever more!

We should rehearse this at each Theory and perfect our four-part harmony by the next Wiffies.

Wiffle Heroes

For several logistical and technical reasons it would be a bother to have music played for each batter as he came to the plate in our wiffle games. Of course with iPods and mp3 files, it would be easy to have the music, but you know... really. The main reason is that it really is a very short walk from the on-deck chair to the batters box (unless you have to chalk the run that Kurt just drove in) and therefore very little of the song would actually be played. It'd be like playing "Name That Tune."

"Name That Tune" was my grandfather's favorite game show, and he was the man who taught me how to score a game. But I digress.

We could more reasonably have music between innings as selected by the next pitcher - music to warm up to. Each Wiffler could select the song they wanted, we could play it for 90 seconds and when the music stops.. Batter Up! Just an idea. Perhaps the rules committee will take that up.

If Glen were to have a pitcher warm up song, I might humbly suggest the Theme from Hogan's Heroes:

Did you know that song has lyrics?!?!? On YouTube one can find this theme as sung by four of the cast members:  Robert Clary, Richard Dawson, Ivan Dixon, and Larry Hovis. 

But I digress.

You see, if you were not aware, Glen's bum shoulder prevents him from pitching in a traditional, overhand fashion. He pitches underhand, and in return for that he is entitled to receive underhand pitching as well. Such terms are not universally available; one needs a doctor's note. Thus far, Glen has resisted my urging that he learn to pitch with his left arm. I think he should blow both shoulders before resorting to underhanded pitching, but that's just one wiffler's opinion.

Anyway, we played two games again this weekend. It always happens when we get together for a party on Saturday night.  Once enough wifflers have had enough beer, they decide in magic unison, "We should play tomorrow!" Well the party in question was a fete for da Commish's 50th birthday at the OCC. I won't report on the party here, as I'm sure it will be well covered in the Oakwood Register. As Tim "Boog" Baker said, "It ain't a party until the police and fire fighters come."

So we played Sunday morning and Glen's pitching made the opposition look like a bunch of Werner Klemperers and John Banners. Look at these numbers for the weekend:

4 IP, 10 H, 5R, 6K

Now one would reasonably say that 5 runs in 4 innings is not good, but those all came in one inning on Saturday. The other three were scoreless innings. Scoreless!! That really should NEVER happen.

And: SIX Strikeouts!! Two of those were LOOKING!!

Dudes, he is pitching U-N-D-E-R-H-A-N-D!

It's dark magic, I tell ya. Anyway, stunningly, Glen was on the winning side for both games, a soggy 10-5 game on Saturday and the 12-0 pasting of the Gerries on Sunday.

Glen, Kurt - 10

Chris, Peter - 5

W: Mosser

L: Anderson

HR: None

Peter, Kurt, Tim, Bill - 0

Dave, Glen, Matt - 12

W: Lindsay

L: Berwald

HR: None.

Notes:

This has been a season with numerous one-timer appearances. We were pleased to be joined this morning by Bill Lee, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Huey Lewis.

We also welcomed Chris Anderson back to the asphalt for the first time in 2012. "Welcomed" is a relative term as Kurt and Glen roughed him up for 4 runs in his first inning.