Ben's Big Day

The men that were met counted seven;
Whiffy weather was on the cool side of heaven.
Lines quickly chalked,
“None are straight” was the talk.
The home pitcher got his arm revvin’.

Krash, 2 Strike, the Bandit and Stats
were made a team and given first bats.
R-Dave pitched the ball:
Beltrans for all!
Top of one was over like that.

The visitors pitched with an outfield of three.
Home team hit pop-ups, “Home free!”
But the wind it was swirling,
and fly balls were twirling.
These fielders might as well have been trees.

Hansoo pitched the second-inning.
The call of the longball was beckoning.
R-Dave’s big hit
twisted over Matt’s “mitt.”
Homerun!. Two earned runs was the reckoning.

Home batters put Kurt through his paces
as bloops and grounders loaded the bases.
The rally, though, floundered
as Kurt (!) fielded a grounder.
Hey, no matter: home pitchers are all aces.

The visitors were now in a fix.
Can’t catch and inept with the sticks.
They really did frown -
went nine up and nine down
in innings four, five and six.

Early on, Stats’ hits he did scatter,
but struck out late when it mattered
off curveballs by Pete,
and R-Dave’s straight heat,
and Ben’s junk sent up on a platter.

Kurt gave his team one last hope:
a blast off the Commish on a rope.
Truly, he tagged it,
But Dave ran and snagged it,
while talking of stock market dope.

Slugfests are games we all crave,
but the offense came only from Dave.
But his three scoreless innings
both late and beginning
earned Montague the Win and the Save.

	Runs	Hits
Eric, Hansoo, Kurt, Matt	0	6
Ben, Dave E., Peter	2	11

W: Ben Montague

L: Hansoo Ha

S: Ben Montague

Notes:

• Ben had himself a game.  In addition to getting the Win and the Save, he was 4-for11 at the plate, including a double to raise his average to 0.316.  Three scoreless innings on the mound, allowing only three hits, took 1.15 off his ERA (now 7.54).
• We hope Dave's homerun, a game winner and his first of the season, adequately makes up for his 2-for-10 day at the plate.  For the season, Dave has drooped below the 0.400 mark.
• Da Commish is closing in on Kurt - he might make it a race.  1-for-7 hitting brought Kurt down to 0.442, while Peter is up to 0.412 after going 5-for-10.
• Hans' 2 runs allowed doubled his total for the season, cost him a loss and raised his ERA from 0.86 to 1.50.

Go to Bat for Brian Simpson

Glen Cebulash has a bat for all the Whifflers to sign for Brian Simpson, who is having some surgery this week.  (Glen has a sharpie, too.)  Contact Glen to arrange a time to sign.

The Dead Shrew Game

Four whifflers gathered for Sunday whiffle.  While these are the four workhorses of Oakwood Whiffle and Ale (they represent the top four in ABs this season), they are more appropriately thought of as the...

Four Horsemen of the Whiffocalypse

Conquest
Kurt Mosser figured the role of "Conquest" today.  Entering the game with a league leading 0.445 batting average, Kurt had his foot on the throat of the league.  He pushed that boot through to the trachea with his 9-for-17 hitting (six off Peter Berwald, if I may), raising his average to 0.451.  His three perfect innings on the mound, included five K's (all by Peter Berwald, I might add) earned him the win in a back-and-forth, tight game.

War
For battling all morning long, and delivering the walk-off RBI single, Glen Cebulash was the personification of War.  Glen had his own wonderful day at the plate, going 8-for-17 with 2 RBI, evenly dividing the hits and the RBI off Matt and Peter.  His final hit, in the bottom of the 6th, delivered the game winner.  Look for Glen's self-satisfied gait and smile 'Round Town for the rest of the week.

Glen had to battle with guile and smug wisecracks to survive his three innings on the mound.  And survive he did.  Stats and da Commish totaled 10 hits between them - all off Glen.  Twice Peter and Matt loaded the bases with none out and yet were only able to plate two runs.  Glen gave up another run in a third inning two-out rally featuring back to back doubles by Matt (coming after Matt's sorry-ass temper tantrum in the batter's box) and Peter.

Famine
This game came the day after Yom Kippur, a day when Jews forgo their many traditions surrounding food, and fast.  That is they don't eat at all.  For a day.  Matt, who is not Jewish, but does participate in his children's Jewish upbringing fasted from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday (or thereabouts) and is thereby playing the role of Famine in this allegory.  Matt did not expect to play well having forgone sustenance for 24 of the previous 36 hours before play began.  But as it turned out, he started off well, with 2 hits off Glen in the top of the first, and pitching scoreless bottoms of the first and third.  But truly, he ran out of gas later:  all of his strikeouts (as a batter) came in the fifth inning or later.  And on the mound in the fifth, with jelly legs and a tired arm - he surrendered two runs - the second to tie the score - and barely emerged without further damage, raising his ERA back above 4.

Yet, you might say, "Did not Glen Cebulash, learned be he in Torah, also fast on the Day of Attonement?"  Indeed he did, and he is no doubt employing a selective memory, looking solely at his batting results and thinking that he should fast before every game.  But the lineup he faced included a man who fasted!! And he barely escaped in ALL THREE INNINGS HE PITCHED.  If he faced two batters on full strength, this game is 14-4 for the Visitors.  I'm sure of it.

Death
We are left with one whiffler, Peter and one horseman, Death.  Though Peter was just returning from a funeral, he actually takes this moniker for taking the loss in the game - surrendering the Artist's walk-off single in the 6th - in his third inning of work.  He danced with trouble all day on the mound.  They loaded the bases on him in the 2nd, scored a run in the 4th, and they scored the game winner in the 6th.  His fine day at the plate mustn't be overlooked however:  5-for-14, 2 doubles and 3 RBI.

Matt Peter - 3
Glen Kurt - 4

W: Kurt Mosser
L: Peter Berwald
BS: Matt Lindsay

Notes:

• Though using only a two man lineup, the home team managed to bat out of order in the third.  Truly a first to be recorded in the annals of the Oakwood Whiffle and Ale League.  I'll spare you the details, but let's just say that the home team players are not gifted with scorekeeping skills.
• The 2-on-2 game was played with 3 out innings - though often to save arms it is played with two-out innings.  As it turns out, all seven runs were scored with 2 outs, and therefore under those rules this would have ended a 0-0 tie.
• Kurt Mosser is the second 100-100 Man!  103 hits as a batter, 112 K's as a pitcher after today's play, joining Peter Berwald in the category.
• There was a dead mole shrew (not a vole) on the asphalt this morning.  No ground rules were established in the event a batted ball were to strike the remains (it was right on the doubles line).  None were needed as no hits came near the former rodent.  Peter added an excellent caricature of the dead mole  shrew on the scoresheet.
• Glen was so pleased with the final outcome of the contest that he decorated the score tally board, see below.  Note the Rubenesque perfection of that heart - and to create that after having fasted just the day before!

Glen loves walkoffs.

Mole or Vole? We report; you decide.

As will be reported later, in the actual game story, a deceased animal was on the asphalt for today's game.  Discussions ensued, as they always do: "Mole or vole?"

To wit, we quote Wikipedia.

Mole
Moles are the majority of the members of the mammal family Talpidae in the order Soricomorpha. Although moles burrow, some species are semi-aquatic. Moles have cylindrical bodies covered in fur while the ears are generally not visible. They have small or covered eyes and can probably still tell night from day, although they are otherwise blind^[2]. Moles eat small invertebrates living underground. Moles can be found in most parts of North America,^[3] Asia, and Europe, although there are no moles in Ireland^[4].

Vole
A vole is a small rodent resembling a mouse but with a stouter body, a shorter hairy tail, a slightly rounder head, smaller ears and eyes, and differently formed molars (high-crowned and with angular cusps instead of low-crowned and with rounded cusps). There are approximately 155 species of voles. They are sometimes known as meadow mice or field mice in North America. Vole species form the subfamily Arvicolinae with the lemmings and the muskrats.

Armed with this information it is now possible to decide what the carrion on the pavement was.  Therefore please examine the following photo carefully and make your own conclusions.

Unfortunately, the evidence is far from clear - Wikipedia does not provide images of dead moles or voles.  (Yes, that is the doubles line veering around the remains.  Gravel included for scale.)

No Korans were burned in the course of this game.

Nine were met at the asphalt this morning and the Commish deftly made the teams, setting in motion a taut, even, ten-inning affair.  Glen, Kurt, Stats and da Commish were assigned the Home Team moniker.  Together, these four whifflers have pitched 178.1 innings.  Glen had to leave early to glorify his children's violence, and Dave Bush (yes, kids, DAVE BUSH) took his spot in the line up.  They faced a wily visiting squad of R-Dave, Ben, Hansoo, and Eric.

Glen did get an inning in on the mound, pitching a perfect first, and was 1-for-2 at the plate.  Glen would be the only person to RAISE his batting average, except for Dave Bush who made his debut in the stats this week.  It was a pitching heavy game, raising talk of rule changes to beef up the offense next season.  Likeliest solution would be to move back the "mound".  But more on that in the off-season.

The visitors were shutdown at the plate for the first four innings - 12 up, 12 down - with Stats, Peter, and Kurt following up Glen's inning with perfect innings of their own.  The visitors broke up the perfect game and the no-no with a lead off triple in the fifth from the bat of R-Dave off Dave Bush.  Welcome back to the asphalt.  But that leadoff triple would be stranded right there as Dave B. struck out three that inning, with a Hansoo single mixed in.  The struggles for the Visitors continued from there as Stats, Peter, Kurt and Dave B. each rattled off another string of perfect innings.  The perfect 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th innings included some strikeout pitching from Peter and Kurt, and tremendous fielding by Stats, who had some miraculous snags on line drives, denying Hansoo a hit and Zamonski two.

The Homesteaders were not as skilled at the plate as they were with the "glove," though they had their chances.  R-Dave pitched two perfect innings: the first and the ninth.  But when he pitched the fifth, the Home side managed to load the bases with one out, including Matt's first ever hit off Dave.  Check it out in the matrix - he's hitting 0.066 off Eldridge now.  But Dave buckled down and got out of the jam without allowing a run.  Ben allowed hits in each of his first two innings, and Hansoo allowed leadoff extra base hits in both of his innings (third inning double by Peter, seventh inning triple by Dave Bush) but no runs.  Eric, who curiously  has a reputation for being hittable, allowed 1 single over two innings.

And thus we arrived at the tenth inning in a zero-zero tie.  Shamelessly, the Homeboys urged there be one more inning so they could face Ben one more time.  And foolishly, the Visitors agreed.

But first there was the matter of the top of the 10th.  Stats pitched into trouble, allowing only the third and fourth hits by the Visitors all day - two singles.  He manged to strike out Eric and Ben, and allow no runs.

In the bottom of the inning, Ben took the ball.  Matt climbed into the batters box, but he shouldn't have.  The Home Team batted out of order because in actuality Matt ended the ninth with a strikeout.  The out was recorded on the wrong line, and did make it appear that Stats was due up.  Well, the Visitors didn't catch it at the time and Matt hit a tricky, spinning grounder, misplayed by Ben for a single.  Once Ben threw his first pitch to Peter, the prior batter's at-bat counted.  When Peter then hit a long line drive over Eric's outstretched hand, which tipped it over the HR line, it was a 2-run walkoff homer for the game winner.

Glen, Dave B., Kurt, Matt, Peter - 2
R-Dave, Ben, Hansoo, Eric - 0

WP: Matt Lindsay
LP: Ben Montague

Ben pitched to 2 batters in the 10th.

Notes

• Welcome to Dave Bush.  His 1-for-8 in the season's debut was a triple.  He also managed 2 scoreless innings pitched.  As the clouds thickened, the sunglasses stayed on.
• Peter's homerun was the third ball he hit past the HR line, but the first not caught.  It gives him 5 on the season, to lead the league.
• Most batting averages went down, as well as most ERAs.  Kurt's 0.445 still leads the league, ahead of Brian Simpson's 0.428, and Peter Berwald's 0.411.  R-Dave has hit a slump, falling to 0.410.

May you be inscribed in the statistical records for another year

Today is the first day of Rosh HaShanah, so natually one's thoughts turn to the story of .. Hank Greenberg. 

Late in the 1934 season, Greenberg announced that he would not play on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, or the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur. Fans grumbled, "Rosh Hashanah comes every year but the Tigers haven't won the pennant since 1909." Greenberg did considerable soul-searching, and discussed the matter with his rabbi; finally he relented and agreed to play on Rosh Hashanah, but stuck with his decision not to play on Yom Kippur. Dramatically, Greenberg hit two home runs in a pennant-clinching 2–1 Tigers victory. The next day's Detroit Free Press ran the Hebrew lettering for "Happy New Year" across its front page.

So, thus the scholars have spoken, and playing baseball, even for pay, is ok on this day.  Amongst the prominent Jewish major leaguers of the current day, the Rangers' Ian Kinsler is playing tonight - going 0-for-5 in Toronto.  Kevin Youkilis' Red Sox, Ryan Braun's Brewers, Jason Marquis' Nationals, and Ike Davis' Mets have the night off.  And it appears Brad Ausmus is not in the lineup tonight for the Dodgers.

Happy New Year.

Mazel Tov!

Despite many failed efforts to chalk straight lines on the asphalt, and much ribbing at the undulating doubles and triples lines, I am asked often to chalk the lines before games.  I can say with some certainty, I will not be asked again to make the teams.

I came to Nance Bradds with scoresheet in hand, but unable to play due to a family engagement.  Thus as a neutral party, it was suggested (by Kurt) that I make the teams.  Balancing the pitching and batting skills of six players on two teams is a challenge and I have a new found respect for the week-in, week-out ability of our commissioner to make good decisions about dividing up the players.  I admit, I focused too much on batting, and not enough on balancing pitching skills.  The result was a lopsided affair.

But enough about the game, let me tell you all about the Guadalupe Bar Mitzvah!!  I must say, the young man Jason is very impressive.  Such a calm presence, and a strong, confident voice as he led a well designed service.  There were very touching moments, especially when grandparents and parents passed the Torah to the Bar Mitzvah to begin his portion reading and Haftorah.  Jason's portion was from Deuteronomy: The Death of Moses and the Anointing of Joshua.  Truly the perfect, symbolic reading for a young man joining Jewish adulthood.

The luncheon afterward in the Leber Social Hall was catered by Bernsteins, with a fitting assortment for an end of summer holiday weekend.  The sports-themed decorations were very appropriate for the Bar Mitzvah and were not overbearing whatsoever.  The DJ did an excellent job entertaining young and old alike, and Jason looked happy out on the dance floor with his Shiksa girlfriend.

Anyway, the game.  Laura pitched well for two outs and then gave up two-out rallies - twice.  Brent let in another one and it was really all over in the top of the second.

Dave, Eric, Hansoo - 6
Ben, Kurt, Laura, Brent - 0

W: Dave Eldridge
L: Laura Hume
S, BS - none


Notes:

• Dave's 6-for-14 was the mathematical equivalent of  Kurt's 3-for-7, and the batting race was pretty much unchanged.  Kurt's 0.450 is still well ahead of Dave's 0.421.  Ironically, all three of Kurt's hits were off Dave.
• Eric and Hansoo each pitched two perfect innings, recording 11 K's over 12 outs.
• Kurt and Ben each scattered hits but allowed no runs in a "bend-but-don't-break" kind of day.
• The winning home team spread around the RBIs: 3 for Eric, 2 for Hansoo, and 1 for Dave.