Saturday, June 17, 2017

BREAKING NEWS

In a surprise development that caught the Oakwood wiffle community completely off guard, Commissioner Peter Berwald announced an immediate end to the 2017 OW&AC Season. "Considering the constant heat, global warming and how it is only late spring, I came to the undeniably sound conclusion that the season should end now," Berwald said in an emotional statement, holding back the understandable tears. "Effective today, June 17, 2017, all games and stats... are final," he added, solemnly.



While the news came as a shock to wifflers of all stripes, the league's players, young and old unified to support Berwald, lovingly known as "Commish."

"I postulate that Peter did the right thing," said Dr. Kurt Mosser, "since he decided it and he said it, it must be good."

A spokesperson for Brent Mackintosh gave conditional approval of the move adding, "Brent assumes theory sessions will still be scheduled, at least in air conditioned facilities."

Dewey Darden and Mark White were seen simply saluting and beginning their off-season routines.

A downtrodden Eric Zamonski added, "Elizabeth Montgomery was hot."

Lindsay turned heads with his 8-for-10, 5 RBI day.

Matt "Stats" Lindsay, now permanently atop the batting charts for 2017, declined to comment.

FINAL:

Dewey, JD, Peter - 0 runs, 11 hits
Bob, Eric Z., Kurt, Matt - 11 runs, 24 hits.

HR: None