Hitting is Hard

Connecting a thin plastic bat with a thrown wiffle ball is hard to do. So is driving. Especially in Oakwood.

This week's edition of the Oakwood Register has a front page story about an 8-year-old child on an bike struck by a car. I know nothing of this incident other than what is in this story.  The story indicates that the child, taken to Children's Hospital, will make a full recovery. I'm sure the driver of this vehicle feels terrible. But this article, and the Police official quoted, seem to place all fault for this incident on the child.

That simply can't be how we govern ourselves in 2015 in Oakwood. It can't. I do not want to live in a place that is that unconcerned about the safety of people out in the community.

Driving in Oakwood is hard, people.  Look at this diagram:

Intersection of Forrer and Shafor

Picture yourself driving the car that is the yellow oval. Stopped at a stop sign, waiting to proceed. The red arrows are potential directions another car could be coming from.  The green arrows are potential directions that a person on a bike or a person on foot may be coming from.  Remember that a lot of runners in Oakwood run in the street against traffic. Pushing strollers, no less!

Drivers HAVE TO LOOK at every one of these possible conflicts and YIELD to all of them! Remember, the driver is the one at the controls of the two tons of steel that could kill someone.

Not the 8 year old child.

Slow down. Pay attention. Wait.

Eric, JD, Matt, Pete - 3 runs, 12 hits
Andy, Bob, Kurt, Tim L. - 3 runs, 16 hits

HR: none.

Final Score: Eight-to-Nothing to See Here

Just your standard, run of the mill blowout game today.  8-0 was your final as eight wifflers, including Chris Anderson (!) played in some heat at Nance Bradds.

Many teachers were going in and out of Smith School, heralding the end of Summer. This made Peter sad.

Stats are up to date.

The Tag Up Game

Goodness!! Is this really the first blog post since my day as Commissioner?? Time to get off my duff.

Today was an ideal game to break in a rookie. Everyone, meet Dewey Darden. 

Dewey, everyone.

Today's action featured 7 wifflers, a lot of hits, some good pitching, and a lot chatter from the rookie. A LOT.

Everyone drove in at least 1 run, and everyone got some hits. But MOST MOST significantly, the TAG UP RULE WAS USED!!!!!

TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First by Andy "Gamer" Evans who called his own tag up from the batters box for the third of his 4 rbi.

Second by Peter "Warming up to it" Berwald who had the TAG called for him by Matt "Heads Up" Lindsay.

So once for each team, and these guys saved an AB and each got an RBI.

But speaking of Matt... let me tell you why Andy won't be sending Matt a birthday card this Yom Kippur.

Andy hit a homer today - an impressive screaming liner over Dewey's head. He also hit a majestic, soaring shot to straightaway center field that carried seemingly forever. It was in the air so long, that Matt had time to run under it and catch it one handed, on a dead run, back to the plate. Think Willy Mays. Think Renaldo Nehemiah. Seriously. It was stupefying. He was no more than 15 feet from the gate.

It was the greatest catch in Wiffle history. And it came on the same day as the greatest wiffle picture ever. Wow.

Adrian, Andy, Hansoo -6
Dewey, JD, Matt, Peter -8

HR - Evans (5)

Just One Thing

Even while the Commish re-connects with his roots, The Wiffle and Ale League "plays" on

Through the miracle that is Facebook, the Commish rallied the wifflers from New England and five of 'em showed up on Saturday to play. But when one wakes up on the east coast, one cannot do the game-day duties required of a Commissioner.  And so we have this:

How sweet it is!

Stats was deputized to pull this game together and he took no time to park his hybrid in the Commissioner's spot. This car is not as cool as a Subaru. Lack of a cool car is the only thing preventing Stats' election as the next commissioner.

Stats has chairs, chalk and a long stick to draw the lines, a bat, and a scoresheet. What Stats lacked was (wiffle) balls.  Lack of balls is the one thing preventing Stats from being the next commissioner.

Stats chalked the strikezone and homeplate:

But, as you can see, he can't even draw a proper plate. That's the one thing keeping Stats from being the next commissioner.

Then Stats chalked the lines:

Third Base "line"

Double and Triple "lines"

But it turns out that Stats draws terrible lines. That's the one thing that stands between Stats and being the next commissioner.

Then, he placed the mound - a little back from the normal position - to juice the offense. And he drew the Mosser Line:

Oh, Good Grief!

These lines also sucked and the mound move was ineffective. Then, Stats picked the teams, and it turns out the only thing he is worse at than drawing lines, is picking teams. This is really the one thing that will ensure Matt will never be the next commissioner.

Andy hit for the cycle in a losing cause and everyone BUT Stats pitched effectively as the home boyz bested the visitorz 4-to-1. There were a lot of balls put in play, but a great many of them resulted in outs due to very good fielding.

Andy, Matt - 1 run, 10 hits
JD, Kurt, Mark - 4 runs, 14 hits

HR: Evans

Doubleheader Weekend

The final scores this weekend were 4-2 and 1-0. The games were exactly as the scores might make you think: pitching dominated affairs.

Sunday's game prolly made up for Peter's father's day game.  Today, da Commish went 5-for-10, drove in his team's only run (the winning run), and pitched two scoreless innings. A fine morning at the yard.

The offensive drought has now entered its second month.  Look at this chart of our last five games:

2015 OW&AC games between May 30 and June 28.

These lines track the league averages for Batting Average (Avg) and Slugging Percentage (Slg).  Unimpressive. I don't have any earthly idea who would come to watch these kind of games. Just who do we think we are?!

Time to move back the mound.

Saturday
Hansoo, Matt, Peter, Tim - 2 runs, 13 hits
Andy, JD, Kevin, Kurt, Shannon - 4 runs, 18 hits

HR: none

Sunday
Eric, Kurt, Shannon - 0 runs, 9 hits
Hansoo, Matt, Peter - 1 run, 9 hits

HR: none

Summer Ball

Yesterday was the last day of spring. Today is the first day of summer. That means today is the longest day of 2015.While five wifflers got a bright and early start to their solstice, for no one will this be a longer day than for Peter Q. Berwald.

For seven humid innings, the home-standing team of Andy, Hansoo and Matt were rude hosts to their visitors, Kurt and Peter. Not only were they held to just five hits on the day. Not only were they held completely scoreless on the day. Not only did The Commish ground into two critical, inning-ending double plays. Not only did Peter surrender the only run of the game. But on top of all that, countless pitches hit Peter in the ribs, shoulder, back, legs and feet. So if you see Peter this week - pat him on the back. Offer him a shandy.

This was without a doubt the most thorough one-to-nothing drubbing in Wiffle History.

Kurt, Peter - 0 runs, 5 hits
Andy, Hansoo, Matt - 1 run, 6 hits

HR: none

The Pitching is Starting to Dominate

Offensive efficiency is down, down, down, as teams are stranding more runners and hits aren't materializing in clutch situations.  The dog days of summer are here, and the pitching is taking over the OW&AC League.

Today the winning team converted 23 hits into 3 runs.  The losers converted 11 hits into no runs. Not stellar, but the winners will take it. As a wise man said, "winning is better than losing."

And what more? This is the third week in a row when we've had 9 or more players.  Pat yourselves on the back, wifflers! The heart of OW&AC is still beatin'!

Hansoo, Kurt, Tim, Eric - 3 runs, 23 hits
Adrian, Andy, Brian, Matt, Peter - 0 runs, 11 hits

HR: none

Remember that Memorial Day...

.. when it rained and Andy hit two dingers in the top of the first??

I remember it like it was this morning, because it was. 'Twas a rained-shortened affair, but Andy put on a good ole hittin' show in the first inning: leading off the game with a solo homer, and blasting a three-run shot for good measure two outs later.

That would prove enough for the visitors as they rolled to a 4-inning, 4-1 victory.

Andy, Brent, Don, Kurt, Matt - 4 runs, 9 hits
Adrian, Brian, J.D., Peter - 1 run, 6 hits

HR: Evans 2 (2)

Remember That Day In May...

...when it rained and Kurt gave up all the runs???

I remember it like it was yesterday. Oh, wait a minute! It was yesterday.

There were nine wifflers, wet conditions and the pitchers dominated through the whole affair.  Except when it was raining hardest and Kurt was pitching and the other team scored 2 runs.

No one surrendered a run in any other inning.

Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. 2 runs. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown. Shutdown.

The pitching rotations included the 2015 debuts of Kevin and Brian and the rookie debut of Ryan, son of Mark.

Adrian, Brian, Kurt, Matt - 0 runs, 10 hits
Hansoo, Kevin, Mark, Peter, Ryan - 2 runs, 12 hits

HR: None

The eerie quiet

The signs were all around us.

After a long, tense night of tropical smoothies and Jones Cream soda...

clothes strewn across the school lot...

it was clear that the unrest in Oakwood was overwhelming the local authorities' ability to manage the situation.

"It's safe to say," one official was heard to utter, "that Oakwood is no longer the orderly place it once was. We're just managing collapse."

But to preserve the integrity of the wiffle season, the Commish declared that the game WOULD proceed, but without fans in attendance.

So, the wifflers played in the eerie quiet of an empty Nance Bradds Field - for the 384th consecutive game.

The bats started off quiet, too, as Hansoo, Adrian and Eric combined to no-hit Pete and Matt through the first three innings.  The no-no disappeared on Adrian's second time on the mound, when Stats and the Commish broke through for 4 runs. That would prove to be enough as the home boys twirled an eight inning shutout, ending the final two innings with double plays.

Adrian, Eric, Hansoo - 0 runs, 11 hits
Matt, Peter - 10 runs, 21 hits

HR: none.

P.S. The tag rule was used today, and evoked more confusion than elan. We'll be looking at this more in the future.

Clowns and Elephants

An epic game of wiffle ended in a 4-4 tie, today. Don't believe a tie can be "epic?" Read on.

Kurt Mosser probably believes that he, by dint of his dominant pitching in the bottom of the sixth, preserved the even game for the visitors. In fact, Kurt is both right and wrong. And not for the first time, I suspect.

You see, in reality Kurt preserved the tie game in the bottom of the first inning as an outfielder.  With 2 out and the bases loaded, pitcher Matt Lindsay was on the ropes. Batter Peter Berwald hit a solid liner that in a just world would be a double.  Instead, Adrian Zamaron stretched out got a hand on it... and tipped it up... into the waiting hands of Kurt Mosser. Third out; no runs score.

A circus catch, the likes of which have never before been seen on the asphalt in the post-mural era. See? I told you it was epic.

Adrian, Kurt, Matt - 4 runs, 13 hits
Hansoo, Peter - 4 runs, 12 hits

HR: none

Myth Busting

If you will indulge your blogger for a few lines, I will take this moment to dispell a few myths.

1. MYTH: Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts are delicious. 

Despite what the corporate tools at Kellog's might try to tell you, kids DO NOT like peanut butter Pop-Tarts. If you in fact ask teenagers what they think of peanut butter Pop-Tarts they will tell you that they are, "dry."

Dry is basically a death sentence for a breakfast pastry - toaster or otherwise

2. MYTH: Hansoo Ha is not the wiffler he used to be.

Contrary to popular "wisdom," built mostly around the fact that his fastball has less giddy-up, it is clear (especially today) that Hansoo is an elite wiffle talent in this League. Not only does he trash talk the Cardinals, and slash hits at a .571 clip, he still mows 'em down from the mound.

Hansoo is basically a death sentence for opposing batters - two-handed or otherwise.

Today, Ha faced 10 batters and struck out 9 of them.  The other was a pansy bloop opposite field hit into the meadow. By some reckonings, such hits shouldn't even count. Oh, and when he didn't have the ball in his hand he was going 8-for-14 at the plate with 6 of his team's 12 RBI. And he hit for the cycle, because, you know, he can.

Adrian, Hansoo, Kurt - 12 runs/20 hits
Eric, Mark, Matt - 2 runs/11 hits

HR: Hansoo (1)

Scorer's Note: The visitors also had an opportunity to employ the new Tag Up rule, but didn't. Kurt hit a fly ball with the bases loaded and one out.  It was caught but they did not send the runner.  As one can see, they didn't need the run, anyway.

OW&AC Opens Spring Training: Where we're all just working on "stuff"

With all of 2015 ahead of us, six wifflers played in the first Wiffle Spring Training game today on the asphalt at Nance Bradds Field.

Three of the players scored ten runs; the other three scored six runs. None of what happened counts in any possible way you could even make up. So I'm not going to tell you about anything that happened.

We were all working on squaring up the ball, mastering the release points, working up new pitches and getting some "reps" in. See? The cliches are the same.

Oh, and some guy brought bag pipes. No joke.

Wiffies: February 20, 2015

BE THERE!

C.O.L.D.

Think back with me, if you will, to a summer Saturday in 2014. Can you see it?  Can you see the big, bright, golden sun? Can you breathe the warm, nay HOT, stagnant air?  Can you feel how soft the asphalt is? Picture that Saturday in your mind - a day when you didn't come out to play wiffle.

What was keeping you from that perfect wiffle day?  Getting an early start on the vacuuming. "Fixing" the car. "Dance rehearsal" (WTH?). Being on the other side of the planet teaching philosophy to young communists. Or simply not getting out of bed. Whatever was your reason, today seven hearty wifflers atoned for these omissions, omissions too numerous to count, failures we speak aloud and those we keep in the silence of our minds, with a game at Nance Bradds in Arctic conditions.

It was a tip-o-the-cap to wifflers past, who no longer play with us. It was a gesture to the Wiffle Gods to acknowledge that the rainless Saturdays of summer are few, precious, and not to be wasted skipping wiffle.  It was quite probably the dumbest thing we, collectively, have ever done.

I want to tell you that our fastballs cut through the frigid air with thunderclaps of friction heat.  I want to tell you that the frozen plastic balls shattered like icicles upon impact with the bricks. I want to tell you about mighty clouts carried over the fences by relentless freezing winds.

None of that happened.

What happened was seven men pretended to be enjoying ourselves playing wiffle in sub-freezing temperatures. What we did enjoy was getting together in one place rather than on Facebook.  Hansoo drove in two runs in the top of the second with a triple and that was all the scoring.  We'd had enough after four innings, and went to Dr. Hume's cozy home for mimosas and coffee.