And the eye-witness account from our beat reporter:
Pete, Kurt and I were the only players. We decided on a round robin, non-stat keeping game. I gave up 14 runs to Kurt, but no runs to Pete. Kurt gave up 4 runs to Pete. Pete gave up three runs to me and 4 runs to Kurt. Pete and Kurt hit a home run off each other.
Wiffle
heroes, men of bat and ball, Saturday
at nine we'll
listen to the wall. Wiffle
heroes, raise up your beer-o's You
ask the questions We
make suggestions That's
what we're wifflers for.
Wiffle
heroes love a good, big fight Chalk
up the asphalt, swing with all your might. We
applaud the people who laud us. Hang
out the bunting, Remember:
no running! That's
what we're wifflers for.
Never
flinch, boys, never be afraid, Pitches may hit you, but they cause no pain. Ask
not why, boys, don't clarify, boys, Answer
the call, and
Strike
out 'em all!
We're
wifflers forever more!
We should rehearse this at each Theory and perfect our four-part harmony by the next Wiffies.
For several logistical and technical reasons it would be a bother to have music played for each batter as he came to the plate in our wiffle games. Of course with iPods and mp3 files, it would be easy to have the music, but you know... really. The main reason is that it really is a very short walk from the on-deck chair to the batters box (unless you have to chalk the run that Kurt just drove in) and therefore very little of the song would actually be played. It'd be like playing "Name That Tune."
"Name That Tune" was my grandfather's favorite game show, and he was the man who taught me how to score a game. But I digress.
We could more reasonably have music between innings as selected by the next pitcher - music to warm up to. Each Wiffler could select the song they wanted, we could play it for 90 seconds and when the music stops.. Batter Up! Just an idea. Perhaps the rules committee will take that up.
If Glen were to have a pitcher warm up song, I might humbly suggest the Theme from Hogan's Heroes:
Did you know that song has lyrics?!?!? On YouTube one can find this theme as sung by four of the cast members: Robert Clary, Richard Dawson, Ivan Dixon, and Larry Hovis.
But I digress.
You see, if you were not aware, Glen's bum shoulder prevents him from pitching in a traditional, overhand fashion. He pitches underhand, and in return for that he is entitled to receive underhand pitching as well. Such terms are not universally available; one needs a doctor's note. Thus far, Glen has resisted my urging that he learn to pitch with his left arm. I think he should blow both shoulders before resorting to underhanded pitching, but that's just one wiffler's opinion.
Anyway, we played two games again this weekend. It always happens when we get together for a party on Saturday night. Once enough wifflers have had enough beer, they decide in magic unison, "We should play tomorrow!" Well the party in question was a fete for da Commish's 50th birthday at the OCC. I won't report on the party here, as I'm sure it will be well covered in the Oakwood Register. As Tim "Boog" Baker said, "It ain't a party until the police and fire fighters come."
So we played Sunday morning and Glen's pitching made the opposition look like a bunch of Werner Klemperers and John Banners. Look at these numbers for the weekend:
4 IP, 10 H, 5R, 6K
Now one would reasonably say that 5 runs in 4 innings is not good, but those all came in one inning on Saturday. The other three were scoreless innings. Scoreless!! That really should NEVER happen.
And: SIX Strikeouts!! Two of those were LOOKING!!
Dudes, he is pitching U-N-D-E-R-H-A-N-D!
It's dark magic, I tell ya. Anyway, stunningly, Glen was on the winning side for both games, a soggy 10-5 game on Saturday and the 12-0 pasting of the Gerries on Sunday.
Glen, Kurt - 10
Chris, Peter - 5
W: Mosser
L: Anderson
HR: None
Peter, Kurt, Tim, Bill - 0
Dave, Glen, Matt - 12
W: Lindsay
L: Berwald
HR: None.
Notes:
This has been a season with numerous one-timer appearances. We were pleased to be joined this morning by Bill Lee, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Huey Lewis.
We also welcomed Chris Anderson back to the asphalt for the first time in 2012. "Welcomed" is a relative term as Kurt and Glen roughed him up for 4 runs in his first inning.
"The Artist" blows a game on a rainy Saturday and then carries his "beefy" teammates to victory on a windy Sunday.
In a prolonged fit of hardheadedness, the five wifflers who showed up in a drizzling rain on Saturday morning kept playing because (seriously) "It's gonna clear up." Reality was it rained straight through to about 11 PM. How dumb are we? Did no one even look at a smart phone?
Glen's team, the visitors, took an early lead of 5-0, plating one off Peter and four, count 'em four off Kurt. The home boys got an early run off Matt but failed to score off Brent (!), but did chip away until the final inning with Glen on the bump.
Glen allowed five consecutive singles and then induced a grounder that he, unwisely, tried to turn into a double play. His.. failure... allowed the winning run to score. Thus did Glen achieve The Full Papelbon - blown save and the loss.
Glen, Brent, Matt - 5
Kurt, Peter - 6
W: Mosser
L: Cebulash
BS: Cebulash
HR: Mosser
But that was Saturday. Sunday was Sunday.
With the good tunes spinning, the barbecue beef and turkey carving, and the beer flowing Saturday night chez Kurt, five wifflers decided to play again on Sunday morning. I was a fool to agree to this.
Commish set the teams (I kid you not) as beefy vs. lean. Glen, it must be said, was placed on the beefy team, and carried his stout team mates to victory. Glen had the best game he's ever had since adopting the under hand pitching regime. Likely the best game he'll EVER have. How's this for a line:
5-for-12, 2 2B, 3B, HR (hit for cycle), drove in 7 of his team's 8 runs.
Pretty good, eh? But that's not all. How about this:
2 IP, 4H (all doubles), 1 K, 0 runs.
I repeat: 0 runs allowed. By Glen!
It was that kind of day for Kurt, Fred and Matt.
Glen, Dave, Pete (beefy) - 8
Fred, Kurt, Matt (lean) - 1
W: Berwald
L: Lindsay
HR: Cebulash
Final score photos are stuck on my dead-battery phone. I know you're very disappointed.
Weekday evening wiffle made its' first appearance for 2012 in April - the earliest it has ever come. Experts assert that this phenomenon is consistent with the basic predictions of the IPCC and greenhouse warming/climate change theory. The game also provided early season appearances for Eric "The Bandit" Zamonski and Tim "Boog" Baker.
Of course the climate always changes when Zamonski is on the scene, but the fact is Eric is maturing as a ball player. He was the only member of his team not to allow a run this night. Tim Baker, in contrast, was the only member of his team to allow runs this evening. After Dave and Kurt's scoreless efforts, Tim took the ball in the third, his team leading 7-0. It was a long half inning for the home team: Tim surrendered 12 hits, though only two of them weren't singles. When his team got back to the dugout, they were down 9-7.
More disheartening was that the bottom of that third was when Zamonski threw his turn on the mound and put up a shutdown inning (zero runs).
Tim would prove the semi-hero in the end, though. With the skies darkening, the home-boys batted in the bottom of the fifth - the last inning - against da Commish. In what has become an early season trend, Tim drove in a run with an RBI ground out, to make it 9-8. Two batters and one out later, Tim was up again and produced the tying run with a solid double! 9-9!
Peter struck out Dave ending the game with Tim's ghost stranded at second base.
Some called it the first day of Passover, others Holy Saturday, and still others called it game day. A turn out of seven, along with a strong sun made for a great morning of wiffle. The seven included two excellent one-timers: Matt's in laws from Binghamton, Dan and his son, Alex. You'll find these Millers ensconced at the TOP of the stats tables as Dan's 9-for-13 batting and Alex's scoreless 2 IP give them league leading stats. They've set a high bar.
More intriguing was true rookie of the year candidate Fred Kirchner, who comes with the ready made nickname: The Poet. 5-for-13 at the plate was a swell showing for a first timer. Fred had the assignment of protecting a two-run lead in the top of the eighth. This turned out to be an unenviable task as he surrendered the tying runs and then loaded the bases to face... The Artist.
Artist vs. Poet. Paint vs. Words. It was a confrontation for the ages that we saw. Glen became the second wiffler ever to put a foul ball through the hoop for a granny.
That shot put the visitors up four and gave Fred the Blown save and the Loss - a combo I like to call:
"The Full Papelbon."
Stats closed out the game with a 1 hit, no run bottom of the eighth and it was over.
On the day, only the Whippersnapper Alex and Kurt avoided giving up any runs. Alex also hit for the cycle, and was seemingly all over the outfield hauling in fly outs. Ah, youth.
The first three games of the season are in the books and I'm waiting for the scoresheet from this morning's fourth game to dry out before I mess with it.
Stats' in-laws, the Miller boys - Dan and the whippersnapper Alex - are likely to sit atop the stats tables for the whole season. Alex pitched 2 scoreless innings for a zero ERA, and Dan's 9-for-13 put him at a .692 batting average. Since they'll not be back this year, we are unlikely to see them budge from their perches. (Hope they can make the Wiffies in January.)
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