Dave Eldridge: Overlord of the plastic arts

Well, PVC fans, this past week's game was a bit of a yawn.  Not much happened and then it was over.  A game so bereft of the usual heroics hardly bares mentioning, still, for the record, one team won - the other lost.  Ergo, the bookkeepers will have their stat.

Since there's a lot of empty space left here in the Wiff 'O' Sphere I thought I'd introduce a brand new feature on T.W.I.W.:  Profiles in Wiffle Courage.  This occasional column will focus on the life story and wiffle heroics of one of our members.  This Week: Republican Dave.

Dave Eldridge: Overlord of the plastic arts

Born in a cranberry bog in northern Michigan to itinerant wifflers, Dave Eldridge grew up with a passion for two things: hurling a 2 oz. wiffle ball and supply side economics.  Under the tutelage of Milton Friedman, Dave became a kind of wunderkind of fiscal conservatism.  Early success in Republican Party circles brought him fame, fortune and eventually the attentions of a lovely young woman named Michelle, who would eventually become his wife.  After wandering the talk-show circuit for over a decade, age and a burgeoning sense of "legacy" brought Dave and Michelle to the sleepy town of Oakwood, OH, where they settled down to raise a family and spin the metals of the Dayton into gold.  In the middle of all this worldly and personal success however loomed a hole, approximately 9 inches in circumference. A hole, Dave knew, that could only be filled by a standard issue wiffle ball.  And then, as if guided by the hand of providence, Dave happened upon local legend and former wiffle champion, Glen Cebulash, who was busy trying to organize a ragtag bunch of middle-aged beer-clowns into a decent wiffle squad.  As a parade of youthful images passed before his eyes, Dave realized that his ship had indeed come in.   With fierce determination he approached the young team, offering not only his skills as a player, but the wisdom of a life spent in the trenches of trickle-down economics.  Combining these two God-given attributes Dave has transformed not only his life, but the lives of every member of the team and every fair-tax loving wiffler from Shoyer Ave. to the frontiers of Hills and Dales.  Each week, without fail, Dave scampers onto the field.  With his blazing fastball and 00.0 ERA Dave leads by example.  And, as if this weren't enough, with the spry and limber movements of a cat and the soft and sticky tentacles of an octopus, Dave dominates in the field.  Opposing teams line up in fear no matter what position Dave is playing.   When and where his dominance will end nobody knows.  For now fans we can simply tip our hats in admiration and hope, as only lesser men can, that God-willing, he'll be on our team! 

See you next week gentlemen, on the funway!