It has come to my attention..

Five on Five for wiffle today on the extra-hot, extra-black, black top of Nance Bradds Field. Nine blistering innings, ending in a 7-1 blow out, whatevs. First six innings were scoreless and then both teams busted out in the 7th: the visitors scored one on a clutch two-out double by Stats, the home team scored 7 on a parade of singles and a bases loaded triple by the Commish.

Nothing new for me because I almost always lose.

Do you know how I know that?

No, you do not, because you have not been looking deeply enough at the stats.

So, do me a solid and click on this link: LINK

Now look down at the bottom where there are 2 tabs. One tab says "Season" the other says "Win/Loss". Click on the one that says "Win/Loss". What you'll see here is a tally of each time a player was on the winning team, each time he was on the losing team, and each time he went to Theory. There is also a calculated field for his winning percentage.

You're welcome.

Adrian, Jeff, Kurt, Matt, Tim - 1 run, 12 hits
Andy, Bob, Eric, JD, Peter - 7 runs, 21 hits

HR: none

In deference to blog readers' attention spans, this picture just shows innings 7 through 9. And a piece of 6. Whatevs.

Tale of Two Erics

This is a story of woe, 'tis true
The Tale of Eric One and Eric Two.

One is short and one is tall
One can play music, the other is tall.

They both play wiffle, and drove in runs
Eric One drove in two, Eric Two just one.

That were all of the runs scored today
despite eight wifflers come to play.

One of the Erics took the mound shirt-less
And retired the side on seven pitches (they were Kurt-less).

The other Eric made sparkling plays with the glove
And also showed some woodwind love.

Bob, Stats, our Eric, and Pete
Went down to ignominious one-run defeat

Whilst  Adrian, JD, their Eric, and Andy
Savored a victory, and rose a shandy.

That's our blog story: pitch by pitch.
Can you tell which Eric is which?

Bob, Matt, Eric, Pete - 1 run, 16 hits
Adrian, Andy, Eric, JD - 2 runs, 9 hits

HR: none

Fresh Blood

This week saw four rookies move up to The Show and make their OWAC debut at NBF in a rollicking 5-on-5er.  Welcome aboards to Chris Flynn, Mark Murdock, Matt Antrobius, and Chris "Ronnie James" Diodoardo.  

Saturday's titanic struggle had plenty of both O and D with basically everyone taking turns slapping hits and canning corn.  Special shout-out to Dewey who had been semi-sidelined after ankle surgery.  His sprinting snag to the left field line was not only the the day's best grab, but also officially takes him off the DL.  

The Vans struck early by extracting two-rarely allowed Mosserian runs via a parade of singles.  They struck again in the middle innings on an even rarer one-armed smash triple with 'em loaded to drive in three more and increase their advantage to five.  The Halens were resilient however, and showed their offensive prowess in the late innings by racking up eight which would prove sufficient to secure the come-from-behind victory.  

Adrian, Chris F, Dewey, Eric, JD  -  5 runs

Bob, Chris D, Kurt, Mark M, Peter  -  8 runs

HR  -  None

Faux Salamis = None, but multiple close calls!

Those Guys Sucked. Period.

There was a wiffle game for Memorial Day Monday, but only one of the teams showed up to play. Oh, Adrian, Kurt, Matt and Tim Y. took their turns on the mound and in the batters box. But they sucked. Wind.

For a few of the middle innings, they were developing a theory that they had been cursed - first by J.D. bringing a red bowl to the game and claiming it was Kurt's. Then by Adrian wearing Pete's "UMass" cap. Late in the game, the bowl was converted into "Rally Bowl" but in the end.. They. Sucked. Rally Bowl sucked.

These White Sox of wiffle couldn't field grounders. These Orioles of Oakwood could not score a single run. Nine innings of suck. "We suck, but hey the game took a full two hours!"

JD, Andy and Pete did not suck. They translated 24 hits into 5 runs, which Does. Not. Suck.

Suck, More Suck, Suckier, Suck King - 0 runs, 14 hits
Andy, JD, Pete - 5 runs, 24 hits

HR: none

New Rule for 2018!

It has recently come to the attention of Judicial Authorities that the Oakwood Wiffle & Ale Club Committee on Rules has not met in some time. At the same judicial proceeding an interpretation was requested of the following, little-known, proviso in the OW&AC Bylaws:

A well regulated Wiffleball Game, being necessary to the perpetuation of a free Club, the right of the Rules Committee to meet and make Rules, shall not be infringed.

This sacred, inviolable proviso has been interpreted to mean the Rules Committee can meet at any time, place, manner of its choosing and that its decisions are by definition right and true for the good of the Game. So there.

Accordingly, the Rules Committee recently met and has provided this report (see below) which we gratefully receive to our benefit. In case you are wondering, the meeting was properly noticed and advertised. It was posted on the community board at the back entrance to the Oakwood Dorothy Lane Market - right behind the plastic bag recycling bin. If you missed that - it is your OWN fault. Period.

Anyhooo.. the following Committee Report is provided:

REPORT OF THE BASEBALL-WIFFLEBALL EQUIVALENCE SUB-SUB-COMMITTEE OF THE COMPETITION SUB-COMMITTEE OF THE OW&AC COMMITTEE ON RULES.

The sub-sub-committee takes seriously its mandate to continuously evaluate options for making our great wiffle Game an asymptotically better approximation of the game of Baseball. We have recently focused on an area in which our Game can better match baseball rules and at the same time restore the critical balance between Pitcher and Batter that can, in proscribed circumstances, go awry.

It has been the case for centuries that to complete a strikeout the catcher must cleanly catch the third strike pitch. If the catcher muffs such catch, or if the pitch bounces, the catcher must either tag the batter out or throw the ball to first base for a "force out" (recorded as 2-3). The batter in such a moment may attempt to reach first base safely by manner of "running."

The sub-sub-committee notes the sad absence of any equivalent for this rule in our Game. Also noted is the strict prohibition on "running." Therefore the following rule shall be enforced starting with the 2018 Championship Season:

"IF a batter should swing and miss for strike three on a wiffle pitch that bounces on the ground before striking the Wall, the following matrix shall determine the outcome of such at bat:

1. If there are less than 2 outs and a runner is at first base the batter is OUT, by Strikeout.
2. If there is no runner at first base or there are 2 out (regardless of runner case) the following shall apply:
   a. A new CATCHER'S CIRCLE with a radius of 54 and three-quarters inches shall be drawn on the asphalt from the point at the base of the Wall directly below the center of the Strike zone. See accompanying diagram for visual aid.
   b. If after striking the Wall the pitched ball comes to rest within the Catcher's Circle, the Batter shall be Out by Strikeout.
   c. If after striking the Wall the pitched ball exits the Catcher's Circle in fair territory from its own momentum the batter shall be Out by K2-3.
   d. If after striking the Wall the pitched ball exits the Catcher's Circle in foul territory from its own momentum the batter shall be Safe at First Base by K-Wild Pitch.
   e. If the batter should exit the batters box before any of the above determinations are made, he shall be deemed to have abandoned his opportunity to reach base and shall be Out by Strikeout.
   f. If the batter intentionally touches the pitched ball after it strikes the Wall in order to impede, change, direct, influence, redirect, or otherwise affect the natural momentum of the ball he shall be out by Strikeout and at least one outfielder shall immediately yell, "DEPLORABLE!" in a voice of sufficient volume to be heard by the guy across Aberdeen Avenue who insists on mowing his lawn during EVERY GAME.
3. Runners aboard who are forced shall advance; if a runner should be advanced by force to score, the batter shall be credited with 1 (one) RBI.
4. The Commissioner shall with all due haste construct a tool for the accurate and correct drawing of this Catcher's Circle."

Diagram:

Your compulsory acquiescence to this rule is appreciated. The  Committee on Rules hopes the rest of your April is as great as our great Game.

END OF REPORT

So there it is! We can't wait to get out there and play our new, better Wiffleball!!

The hitters are ahead of the pitchers

Spring Training Wiffle got underway this morning at Nance Bradds, believe it or not. The conditions were just enough on the acceptable side of the lines to bring out four stalwarts.

It's Spring Training so the stats don't count. They so don't count we didn't even keep 'em. Let's just say, some people are happy about that; some are not.

A four-and-one-half inning game ending in walk off fashion in the bottom of the fourth and a 10-9 final. There were only three half innings when there were no runs. The hitters are indeed ahead of hte pitchers. Happy new year, OW&AC.

Wiffies: February 10, 2018

The date of the Wiffies Awards Banquet has been set: Saturday, February 10, 2018 at the White House. No kidding.