"The Battyr" (with apologies to William Blake)

Battyr, Battyr, swinging tight,

At the curveball lost in flight;

What mere plastic Wiffle bat

Could ever hit a pitch like that?

 

Your launch angle must've yielded

Cuz your pop-up's cleanly fielded.

Failure's all that you have gotten,

Now your stats are looking rotten.

 

When the laws of physics fail,

The batter's eye is no avail;

For as you take your backwards K,

Morale and hope both fade away.

 

Your teammates, though your praise they sing,

Cannot improve your crappy swing;

The proof is more than anecdotal:

Your discipline was less than total.

 

Later at the theory den,

Reflecting on what might've been,

It's clear that you're no Ted Kluszewski

As you sit and mull your brewsky.

 

O Beer, you'll always see us through!

Both cause-of and solution-to. 

So even when your hitting's lame,

Remember boys:  IT'S JUST A GAME.