Dog Dreams

Can you imagine how awful it would be if dogs could talk? Ugh.

Every morning your dog would wake up and tell you about its dreams. "There was a cat. I barked at it. I barked at it. I barked at it. I barked at a cat. Then I woke up." *

It would be torturous.

It would be like some nerd typing in some godforsaken corner of the internet, describing a game of wiffle ball that you didn't even play in. I mean, who would read that?

Adrian, Greg, Kurt, Matt, Tim - 1 run, 12 hits

Bob, JD, Kevin, Mark, Peter - 19 runs, 29 hits

HR: none

* It is possible that if dog brains were sophisticated enough for speech, that they would have more complex dreams. But, I doubt it.

Rarely used bat; rarely used rule

Pete brought out the black bat this week. Since Kurt (who opposes use of the black bat) wasn't here, this would be an opportunity for everyone to move ahead of him on the stats as we knocked the crap out of the ball wielding the juiced lumber.

Kurt's wiffle twin, Eric Zamonski, is also a purist and eschewed the "Hammer of Thor" for the traditional yellow. His was the only batting average that went down today.*

Along the way there were two dingers, and Adrian put one on the roof**. Seven enhanced innings later, the home team came back late and managed to hold on for a 6-5 win.

Bob, Matt, Eric - 5 runs, 18 hits
Adrian, Andy, Peter - 6 runs, 13 hits

HR: Lindsay, Berwald

* Actually, Andy's BA went down, too, but I don't let facts interfere when the prose is flowing.
** Adrian put the ball on the roof BEHIND the batter, and was emphatically OUT.

The sun was hot; the bats were hotter

This was a most offensive game of 4-on-4 wiffle. A back and forth tussle that saw an early lead for the home team, a steady comeback by the visitors, and a tense bottom of the last inning with the home boys scraping for a single run.

Allow me to share some notes from the stats:
1. All eight players had at least four hits.
2. All eight players had at least 2 RBI.
3. All eight players saw their batting averages go up.
4. Most of the eight players were glad we don't keep pitching stats.
5. 28 total runs scored.
6. 59 total hits.
7. 75 total bases.
8. No winner.

Adrian, Kurt, Mark, Pete - 14 runs, 28 hits
Bob, Eric, JD, Matt - 14 runs, 31 hits

HR: none.

There were a lot of pictures taken. Maybe they'll end up here later.

Sunday Wiffle is an Abomination

Our founders, the wise sages of Ye Oakwood Wiffle and Ale Club, understood Sunday Wiffle to be a path to ruination. They knew in their hearts and minds that Sunday Wiffle was a primrose path of gluttony and sloth. A paved trail to diminished virtue; to spirituous consumption; to slovenly personal grooming.

They knew.

And they assumed they needn't decree to future generations against the evil practice of Sunday Wiffle - for surely it is as evident as a belt-high pitch that shall go yard: Sunday Wiffle is a diversion to be avoided at the peril of your very soul.

Apparently, we needed to be told.

Today was the WORST SUNDAY WIFFLE IN THE HISTORY OF SUNDAY WIFFLE! Eric didn't show and it only got worse from there. The lines Matt drew sucked. The game sucked. We, if we have any sense of propriety, we would banish Sunday Wiffle forthwith... FOREVER!!!! (Unless it's raining on Saturday.)

Dewey, Kurt - 17 runs, 24 hits
Fred, Matt - 1 run, 5 hits

HR: Darden - 3, Lindsay