What Kind of Pitch is That?!

It is suggested that you read this post, aloud, using an English accent.

A hot August day began with a warm morning and seven wifflers at Nance Bradds. The game was no disappointment to those seven, nor the four spectators. Indeed the home-boys came back not once, not twice but three times to finally nail down this 8-7 win.

Of course to come back three times, a team must surrender the lead three times, and they did that, too. The Artist gave up at least a run each of the three times he pitched, including a three-run fourth inning. The Visitors rode Glen's underarm offerings to break ties at 0-0, 3-3 and 6-6.

But they could not hold their 3-0, 6-3 or 7-6 leads. Ben coughed up three-run innings in the second and sixth. After the sixth the score was knotted at six.  Then came the Artist for his third trip to the mound (see above).

But after Glen surrendered the 6-6 tie in the top of the seventh, giving the Visitors a 7-6 lead, Professor Mosser and Stats set in motion a very elaborate ruse. Here's how it went:

1. Kurt took the mound for the bottom of the seventh, and as he walked to the outfield Matt announced very loudly, "This is it - bottom of the last inning! If they don't score, it's over."
2. Kurt retires the home team, giving up just a single and no runs. Visitors walk off the field and commence the post-game hand shakes.
3. Home team is a bit puzzled and ask if game must be over.
4. Matt responds, "Well, we've all pitched twice, and you all have pitched at least two times..."
5. Home teams says they have time for one more inning.  Visitors demur, and agree to one more inning.
6. Da Commish pitches a scoreless top of the 8th.
7. Kurt re-takes the mound to pitch the bottom of the 8th - Home team says it can't be Kurt's turn.
8. Kurt puts on his best chagrined smile and tosses the ball to Matt, who commences his warm up tosses.
9. Home team cries foul. Demands that Jeremy pitch.
10. Matt insists we have all pitched twice.
11. Da Commish checks the scoresheet. (Damn!) Confirms it is Jeremy's turn to pitch.

Jeremy didn't retire a batter, allowing 5 straight hits and two runs.  Walk off.

Jeremy, Kurt, Matt, Ben - 7 runs, 20 hits

Dave, Glen, Pete - 8 runs, 22 hits

W: Berwald

L: Long

BS: Long (the full Papelbon)

HR: Eldridge, Berwald

Final Score was 8-7. The Home Team over zealously chalked runs from their walk off hit.

Whole Bunch of What If's

Late in the game today, The Artist certified the contest as qualifying for the "Greatest Comeback in Wiffle History" moniker, should the visitors be able to produce such a comeback, against Dave (R-OH)'s pitching.

They didn't. It wasn't.

Very early in the game, second at-bat of the game, actually, Stats very nearly put two different foul balls through the hoop. Nearly a Grand Slam.

He didn't. It wasn't.

A little later, The Artist, with the bases loaded, hit a long fly ball more or less right at Stats patrolling center field. It came down past the homer line. If Stats catches it, it's an out.

He didn't. It was a Grand Slam.

In the course of a game these feel like key moments. Four runs you almost got, four more you gave away. But in this game, that potential What IF eight-run-swing?

Wouldn't have been enough.

Jeremy, Matt, Peter - 5
Glen, Dave - 15

W: Cebulash
L: Lindsay

HR - Cebulash, Berwald

Notes:

• Matt didn't bring a scoresheet, which in retrospect may seem to be intentional. He gave up five in the first.
• Jeremy seems to be figuring this game out, compiling a nice string of hits today, and was the only Visitor pitcher not to surrender any runs.

Pitchers Duel

Cy Young, Jim Palmer, Bob Gibson and Walter Johnson showed up to play wiffle this evening - with predictable results.

Kurt, Dave - 0
Matt, Eric Z - 0

Saturday Morning Wiff

Two new guys came to play, a couple of libertarians, both of whom are
former students of the Commish. Dave (R-OH) said it was okay because
they weren't actually Republicans (citing the Eldridge Clause of the
bylaws which limits the number of registered Republicans to one). Pete
and Glen got into a "maturity" contest - they both lost. Kurt hit a
walk-off home run. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...........

Wednesday Night Wiff

10-3  

What We Mean When We Talk About Wiffle-Courage

“Fast cars, fine ass, these things will pass and it won’t get more profound.

Time is a game only children do well. 

How can I love you if you won’t lie down?”

 

-Silver Jews, Tanglewood Numbers

 

 

Many of you will perhaps vaguely recall an “occasional” column in the blog titled “Profiles in Wiffle courage”, and a few of you will perhaps even care.  Good for you, you few, because that “caring” is a form of wiffle-Courage.  Or, to be more precise, the first step toward Wiffle-Courage.  What’s the second step you ask?  Excellent question and one, I might add, that I’m now prepared to answer in succinct fashion:

SHOWING THE FUCK UP!!!

 

You want to know who the last man is?  I’ll tell you who, it’s the rook, Jeremy Long.  He may be new, but he instantly recognized what this game’s really about:  lounging around, swatting helplessly at meatballs, moving slower than glass, drinking beers in the morning and dreaming of the badlands!   It’s a smile and a shoeshine!  A thousand acres of green grass!  A sky so blue it makes you cry.  In a word, it’s Love. 

 

No wiffle, no justice.

 

Glen