"Go Play in Traffic"

Children's Bike Rodeo Displaces Weekly Wiffle Tradition

That above is the proper headline. What follows is the "story" of our itinerant morning of wiffle ball:

City trucks and police vehicles on the hallowed asphalt made the situation clear - there would be play on Nance Bradds Field, but it would not be the Oakwood Wiffle and Ale Club on this Saturday. Today, the Oakwood Safety Department would be imparting the skills of safe, enjoyable cycling to the next generation of car free Oakwood youth.

Like Moses, da Commish led his flock of dejected, rejected wiffle ball savants to the new promised land...

Chester A. Roush Field

Brent rips a double off Kim

The grounds at "The Roush" have some drawbacks - the pavement is not level, the parking space lines are not aesthetically pleasing, there was a steady wind whilst we played in the shadow of the stadium. But least convivial of all - it is basically a through street. Play was stopped numerous times to allow cars to traverse the diamond. Frankly it would have been safer to play amongst the toddlers on bikes.

So that's the story; we risked our lives to play wiffle in an unsafe locale so that the children could learn to joys of cycling. Put another way - we are saints.

That is not how other news agencies have reported this story, however. To wit, headlines and samples from from around the news biz about our adventure:

Fox News:

Wiffler Dems Decry "Police Activity"

Dayton Daily News:
[Actually the DDN just picked up an AP wire copy for this report]

Dayton Daily News Neighbors Section

Oakwood Families Pleased Police Evicted Vagrants from Playground

with a small sidebar:
Kettering Families Concerned By Sudden Influx of Vagrants

Oakwood Register:

Delightful Bike Rodeo Finally Brings Life to Unused Schoolyard

The Register piece will elicit a letter to the editor one week later bemoaning that the children of Oakwood cannot find their own fun without it being developed, managed and of course FUNDED by the nanny state. This letter will bring forth a reply penned by Kurt Mosser, under the pseudonym of "Eric Zamonski," which will take apart the prior letter and deride its author in a way only highbrow liberal intellectuals will understand.  Most readers will think Kurt was thanking the Oakwood Mom's Club for volunteering at Wright Library. Brilliant.

Anyway a game was played and Peter hit two home runs in the same inning off Hansoo. These were soaring, arcing blasts to left, that captured the full majesty of this great game. Not even the outfield of Brent and Eric ("The Unstoppable Wall") could prevent these blasts.

Looks like Hansoo had a homer of his own later. Game ended in a tie.

Brent, Eric, Hansoo - 3
Kim, Matt (part time), Peter - 3

Full stats will be uploaded later (maybe Sunday). Whenever. Complete stats through this game are now up to date. Allow me to say, Hansoo Ha is having a fine season.

Last week? Last year? They mean NOTHING

An offensive explosion heralds a new era of Whiff

There aren't any excuses that hold water for this one. Both teams pitched from the same damp mound, the same (extra) distance from home plate. We all played in the same low 60's temperatures. And no one had the sun in their eyes. And Stats DIDN'T make the teams.

But the Visiting team had an almost unbelievable day, while the Homeboys, their necks twisted sore from watching the hits go by, mustered a sole run in a 12-1 blowout.

Read 'em and weep

This was the second game with the mound pulled back, and all pitchers we're still looking to find the release point that put the ball in the strike zone; there were quite a few long at-bats. The big difference was, that when the home pitchers finally found it, the visiting batters connected. A lot.

After Stats surrendered a pair of runs in the top of the second, Dave Eldridge took the mound in the top of the third. Before he had recorded nary an out, Dave had surrendered more runs (4) than he had all last season (2).  Kurt, Hansoo, Glen managed three straight singles to start the inning, bringing Kurt back to the batter's box. Dave put one right out there and Kurt gave it a lusty blow to the roof - for the first home run of the season, and a Grand Slam at that!

But Kurt wasn't done. Next inning he hit a 2-run job off Peter - not just to the roof, but over the building. We have no color coding for that kind of hit, boys and girls:

Hits to the stratosphere shall be ruled home runs.

Peter would allow 6 runs that inning to complete the visitor's 12. Add it all up, Kurt went 7-for-12, 2 HR and 8 RBI. That's the only reason Hansoo's 7-for-13, 4 RBI are not the story of the game. Glen came along for the ride with a good day of his own: six singles in thirteen at bats.

I have no explanation as to why the Home batters could not make a show with the bats themselves. Peter commenced the defense of his home run crown with his first dinger of the year, a solo shot (off Glen) after his team was 12 runs down. Hansoo faced a bases loaded jam in the second, but emerged unscathed. The Homers never managed more than one runner in any other inning.

What have we learned three games into the year? There's little doubt that moving the mound back has changed the game. Longer at bats, more contact. Look at the pitching stats - Contact Avg.'s are way up. Last year means nothing: come to the park ready to hit.

And one other thing: Those of you who had intentions of moving the Tank Killabrew MVP statue from Kurt's mantle to your own (this would include me) - we're dug into a fairly deep hole already.  Damn you, Gilbert Harman!

Glen, Hansoo, Kurt - 12

Dave, Matt, Peter - 1

W: Cebulash

L: Lindsay

"Yours!"

Fielding Gaffes Waste Visitors' Effective Pitching

Blustery winds and temps in the low 40's made play a bit uncomfortable, particularly for defenders standing in the shade. Nonetheless, seven wifflers completed seven innings in a Sunday morning special at Nance Bradds. As the sun rose and the shadows receded, the bats heated up, too: no thoughts of comfort in a taut game.


Glen, making his first appearance of the season on the asphalt, convinced those chalking the lines to move the mound back to the middle of the window - probably a good four feet further back than the standard applied last year. Pleas that such a change was voted down in the Rules Committee last December, fell upon Glen's deaf ears. Besides most wifflers were too sloshed to remember the Rules Committee anyway. The extra four feet seemed to make a difference for most batters (see, for instance, Stats' three triples, and Brent's three hits). But while the bats were truly active, it was defensive miscues that really were the story of the day - costing the visiting three a win over the home-standing four.


And Brent suffered most from the cement hands in the outfield. With two on and none out in the bottom of the first, Brent induced a fly ball off Stats' bat more or less right at Kurt, who dropped it for a 2-RBI triple. If Kurt makes that catch, Brent escapes the inning unscathed. As it was 2 runs would turn out to be all the home team would need.


Later, pitcher Peter Berwald made a miscue of his own. With a lead off triple standing at third, da Commish attempted a double play on a grounder off Dave Eldridge's bat. The throw came in low and missed the strike zone, allowing a run. Not an error by definition, but a poor decision on his part; one that would open the door for another run later in the inning, completing the Homer's four.


The home team had a gaffe of their own in the field. One out, top of the fifth and da Commish sends a medium high liner to straightaway center field, where we find Glen and Zamonski ... engaged in casual conversation. Returning to the here and now, both men begin to converge on the ball, which is headed in between them.  They converge until Glen calls out, "YOURS!" at which point both "outfielders" stop and look into each others' eyes, allowing the ball to drop for a triple. That runner would score in subsequent play on a double by Kurt.


Now. Verily it is so that some wifflers take this pursuit too seriously and others do not. Some kick coffee cups and throw bats, some keep score and calculate slugging averages. Others ... wear capri pants and elfin hats, and critique old films while at play. Neither forms a Platonic ideal, but it is a bit difficult to watch a ball drop between two fielders from the pitching rubber.


Brent, Kurt, Peter - 1
Dave, Eric, Glen, Matt - 4


WP - Lindsay
LP - Mackintosh
SV - Zamonski

Opening Day Tie

Unfortunately, it was not this kind of tie. It was the kind of tie that Vince Lombardi so despised. It was the kind of tie that leaves a wiffler feeling incomplete. It was the kind of tie that begged for more innings, but there had been a full two and a half hours of play, and arms were tired. It was this kind of tie:

Under a cloudy sky, with chilly, gusty winds and with basically no fanfare, Stats Lindsay opened the season with a first pitch ball to batter Chris "Flo" Anderson. The 2011 OW&AC season was underway.

There were two runs plated, evenly divided between two teams over 150 minutes of play. There were gutsy performances from Hansoo, who pitched two innings despite a bad shoulder, and new guy Mike Lucas, who threw three innings (and a high pitch count) and in a lot of jams. Those gentlemen surrendered the paltry supply of runs on the day.

Batting stars of note included "Flo" Anderson, with 2 (count 'em) doubles on the morning, and an RBI; Hansoo with 6 singles in 9 at-bats; and Mike Lucas with a 4-for-11 debut with an RBI.

Chris, Hansoo, Kim, Kurt - 1
Matt, Mike, Peter - 1

One last note - Stats achieved wiffle-dork history this morning: He became the first batter in league history to use a batting helmet (facing Kurt Mosser in the bottom of the first inning). It didn't help - struck out looking - but Kurt didn't bother hitting him in the head.

The redesigned stats for 2011 are updated and available at the links on the right column.