B(etter) E(nd it) N(ow)

As the desperate screams of "Suki", "Suki" faded into the golden haze of a glorious spring morning (and alas, no Suki materialized because no Suki ever materializes), game three's hurler du jour stepped up to the mound.  Earlier, our boys had overcome a stinging grand slam off the gefilte-fish arm of "K" Mosser to take a confident lead in the seventh.  All eyes were on Washington Township's Big Ben Montague, who with a two run lead in the bottom of the eighth was poised to lead his squad to victory.  But, tragically, it was not to be.  A Gattling Gun couldn't have sprayed a deadlier array of singles, doubles and triples (to say nothing of Complete Pete "the Mountain" Berwald's towering grand slam) onto the field.  A Mister Kurt (?) could be heard sobbing, "the horror, the horror".  When the PVC particles settled, eight more runs had been added to the visitor's scorecard and our noble boys, speechless and heartsick, continued to wish themselves out of existence!

Oh, yeah... Dave Bush's mighty stick was responsible for the earlier salami, Hans gave up his first run ever, Dave Eldridge ran a %$#@#@ fielding clinic and Glen Cebulash continued on his tireless march to be named "Most Improved" player for the third year in a row.  The stats are piling up ladies, but don't stand, please, I just came in to wash my hands!

Keep those bats tumescent and we'll see you, next week, on the asphalt!

ANNIHILATION ON ABERDEEN

Well fans, seven able-bodied men scampered onto the hallowed field at Smith Park this morning, but only four were able to leave with their dignity.

It was a keen defensive match until the bottom of the third when that fabled hurler, Ben Montague, stepped up to the mound.  In what can only be described as the train wreck of the season,  Ben gave up a record six runs, followed by another six in the bottom of the 6th!  Grumbling could be heard in the dugout about sending this kid back to the Maine League for a tune-up!  Conspicuously absent from the southern squad's performance was anything even remotely resembling the storied game of Wiffle-Ball.  Han Soo and Dave "The Medium Unit" Bush (just back from his journey 'round the tip) stood by in abject horror.  Unable to dredge the T.V. of consolation from the swimming pool of disaster.  Sorry fellas, better luck next time.

Note: three guys were AWOL, but nobody could remember who they were.  A few of the players wondered if they ever existed at all!

See you next week, on the Funway!

Opening Day 2009

Well PVC fans, it was a chilly April 4th morning that found eight diehards ready to swing the swizzle stick and usher in the new season.

Opening day featured the classic lineup of Mosser, Cebulash, Mackintosh, and Han Su vs. four other guys led by the virgin bat and hot balls of team leader Peter "CW" Berwald (country-western?).  Things got off to a rocky start when Cebulash, hard-put after a winter of discontent, gave up 5 unearned runs to CW's fiesty four.  The bottom of the second saw a rapid return to form for our beloved Oakwood squad and what looked like an insurmountable lead was soon overcome, due in part to a particularly poor showing by the shaky starter Tim "Boog" Baker.

It was blue skies as far as the eye could see when Kurt Mosser, usually a steady southpaw at the helm, loaded the bases and gave up an admittedly wind-assisted grand slam to the cocky Berwald (God help the poor fan who will suffer long and hard by the wind-assisted self aggrandizement sure to follow!).

Despite a heartfelt effort, our boys couldn't put humpty-dumpty back together again and therefore head into week two rattled but determined.

See you on the asphalt fans!