The Drama was Oedipal

Oedipus and Liaus. Luke and Anikin. Walker and Peter.

Oldest story in literature and wiffleball.

Bottom of the last inning, 2 outs, bases loaded, two strikes, home team down by just one run.

Well, I gave it away, so we know how it ends, but... how did we get here?

Jeff, of course, is how we got here. He led off the game with a solo shot and tripled home a second run in the fourth. At that moment his visiting squad of Jeff, Mark W., Mark M. and Walker was up 2-0.

The Homestanders (Peter B., Matt, and Zach) managed a run in the bottom of the fourth to halve the deficit. And that 2-1 margin held to the last inning.

In the top of that last inning, The Vizzies threatened to make it a laugher by loading the bases against Zach with none out. But Zach emerged from the inning unscathed and preserved the one run difference.

That left it to Walker B. to nail down the save. The home team did not roll over and make it easy.

Two outs, runner aboard, 2 strikes - Matt singled to keep the inning alive.

Two outs, 2 runners on, 2 strikes - Zach singled to load the bases.

Two outs, bases loaded, 2 strikes - Peter... 

[Well like all such stories, you know how this ends. The son KILLS the father.]

Walker got the game ending strike out on a shoulder high fastball, swing and a miss. Et tu, Brute?!

Jeff, Mark, Mark, Walker - 2 runs, 9 hits
Peter, Matt, Zach - 1 run, 11 hits

HR: Jeff (his 12th)

His Hunger Was Lupine

Dark is the blacktop, of NBF field

Bright are the foul lines, we're keepin' it real

Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

Opposing batter, looking for tells

Expecting high heat, but offspeed's what sells

Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

In touch with the ground(er)

I'm on the mound I'm after you

Bat like I smell, my stats are for hell

And I'm hungry like the wiff

Straddle the plate, but the pitching is great,

I'm on the schnide I'm after you

Ball off the wall, it makes you feel small

You're on the schide it's so insane

It trickles straight out, leaving no doubt,

He'll scoop it right up to end your pain

Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

The pitch is way high but you flail and you miss

The dream's alive because you heard the ball hiss

Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

In touch with the ground(er)

I'm on the mound I'm after you

A toss and a swing, a strkeout it brings

And I'm hungry like the wiff

Dragging your feet, return to your seat

You wish you had showered and used shampoo

The outfield is packed, all fly balls are tracked

And you're hungry like the wiff 

Devoid of all pride, you're empty inside

You're on the schnide they're after you

Offensively nill, your average's killed

And you're hungry like the wiff

Strutting his stuff, the pitcher's too tough

He's on the mound he's after you

His blazing ball speed, it leaves you knock-kneed

And you're hungry like the wiff

Your stance is unsound, your groove you've not found

He's on the mound he's after youuuuuuuuu...

Come-from-behind glory: Midget Hooker Joke Edition, part IV (Belgian subtitles. Some assembly required, even your parents couldn't put this together)

It was a gooey morning of sustained guts, occasional glory, and near-constant midget jokes that saw two well-balanced (except Eric of course) teams stride onto the Elysian Fields of NBF and get right down to it.  The Visiting Youngins fell behind early, snakebit by the wily veteran tacticians occupying the lower half of the scoreboard.  Jeff broke it open with a laserbeam smash auto-triple off the wall that might've---just MIGHT've---gone far enough to clear the you-know-what.  Sadly, the world will never know.  Also, we'll never know because it was travelling at warp nine and won't return to this parsec of space until October 1st, 2082.  Just in time for the 100th anniversary of Billy Joel's "52nd Street".  The first album to be released on CD.  Which will be the first album to be rereleased in N-dimensional Hilbert Space format.  

But I digress...

The gap closing began with a pair of longlong dongdongs from Tom and Zach, the latter who also happened to be standing in precisely the same spot that about five of yours truly's chip-shot popups went straight to.  Over and over again.  With eerie consistency.  Except when he was on the mound.  Then I got a hit.  Yay?  And speaking of Zach's stuff...his final sequence of pitches against Jeff, with a man on and protecting a tenuous one-run lead...was nothing short of '95 Maddux-level perfection.  "It's all about the finger pressure."

TLDR:  Old dudes get nice lead, young dudes chip away and never quit til final out which was potential walk-off drama.  But wasn't.  Winner = Young Dudes.  (But we'll be baaaaaack!)

Mark M, Tom, Walker, Zach - 9 runs, 21 hits

Adrian, Eric, Jeff, Pete - 8 runs, 18 hits

HR - Tom, Zach, Jeff

The Way of the Eephus

The parched plains of NBF saw a Summer Sizzler this morning, sizzling with drama all the way down to the bottom of the ninth.  The action had a decidedly American League flavor with lights-out pitching and longball smashes dictating the score.  And it was a good score too:  7-5 the final, with the winning Vans overtaking the early heroics of the Home Team Homies in middle innings.  Always nice to tantalize with the possibility of a walkoff but alas, it was not to be.  

Special commendation to Dewey for displaying an uncanny mastery of the Eephus pitch with at least three of them landing for strikes.  One of which actually got Adrian looking for a backwards upside-down K.  ("a dyslexic out").  Another nod goes to Tom for providing balance against the perennially dominant Andy.  Yet another to Zach for nearly Makin' My Dreams Come True (ew-ew, ew, ew) for hitting the day's longest bomb that actually made it to the warning track.  It it'd been just a little higher, or a little flatter, or a little anythinger...we might've finally seen one actually leave the yard.  As much as I'm dying to see somebody actually do it, part of me is also glad there's this last frontier of Wiff achievement that's still tantalizingly out of reach.  "O that a wiffler's grasp may not exceed his reach, or what's a Heaven for."

Let's hope it's a long hot summer of low-scoring nailbiters.  Viva La Wiff!  

Adrian, Tom, Zach - 7 runs, 16 hits

Andy, Dewey, Eric, Peter - 5 runs, 10 hits

HR - Tom, Zach (2), Andy, Dewey (2)

  .  

Wiff Rabbit

This is a song about batting against Eric Z.

One pitch makes you larger And one pitch makes you small, And the ones that flutter in there Don't ever reach the wall.

Go face Eric When he’s pitching the ball.

And if you chase the curveball That bounces before reaching the wall, Tell 'em a Philosophy Professor Has given you a call.

Damn, Eric When he pitches that ball.

When the men in the outfield Heckle and tell you where to go And you've just wiffed some kind of riser And your bat is moving slow.

Go face Eriiiiiiiic

I think he'll knoooooow.

 

Illogic and nonsense

Spill forth from his head,

Then Zamonski is talking backwards

And the Commish is  "off with his head!"

Rememberrrrrr what the stat sheet said:

"Oh-for-ten. Oh-for-ten. Oh-for-ten!"

Jefferwiff Airball Star Plane: Cicada Edition

In a sweltering week plagued by cicadas and injured shoulders, today's game was the sports equivalent of "We Built This City" by Starship: equal parts youthful exuberance and non sequitur with most of the participants having peaked around 1985.  But seriously tho it was lots of fun to host Berwald The Younger and his buddies into the Nance Bradds fold for a cross-gen slugout.  The youngsters aquitted themselves well too, especially Tom "La Mont" who crushed opposing pitchers with six ribbies and one of the two dongs hit.  (Zack launching the other)  

The Visiting Vans blew it wide open in the middle innings and it ended up a lopsided score but there was so much offense spraying around you wouldn't know it.  Five-on-five, played nine full, and at 11:30 we were all still Knee Deep In The Hoopla---you can't beat it with a stick! 

Adrian, Eric, Pete, Tom, Zack - 10

Steven, Jeff, Mark, Matt, Walker - 3

HR - Tom, Zack

Just Shy

With the wind blowing out, today's wiffle contest was a slugfest. There were six homers struck and five triples smashed out of a total of 47 hits.

The final score of 15-11 (for the home team) was just shy of looking like a football (American) score. The whole affair was accomplished in just six and one half innings, taking just shy of 2 hours.

J.D. was just a double shy of the cycle when one of his five singles fell just shy of the doubles line. His final line of 8-for-11 with 7 RBI will come up just shy of true consolation. It is, after all, all about the stats.

Monroe was just a double shy of the cycle, too. Matt was just a triple shy of the cycle. Three cycles in a single game would have been colossal, but alas a day with so much potential, was just shy of history.

Friend-of-Dewey Bob B. slugged 3 homers and drove in 8 in a losing cause, but now leads the league in Dingers and RBI.

Bob B., Dewey, Monroe, Zach - 11 runs, 22 hits
Adrian, JD, Matt, Peter - 15 runs, 25 hits

HR: Bob 3 (3), Monroe (1), JD (1), Matt (1)