Merry Christmas, Whifflers!

A Look Inside the Wiffle Vault

Faced with uncountable Saturdays until one can return to the asphalt of Nance Bradds, how can a Whiffler pass the time of winter?  Well, if you're not into playing hockey in your sneakers, then another possibility is to read books about Wiffle Ball.

One such tome is Michael Hermann's Wiffle Ball: The Ultimate Guide.  Written enthusiastically by the "brand manager" for Wiffle Ball, Inc., this book has all the history, as told by the family that lived it, of one of America's top-ten all time toys. Hermann also wends his way through wiffle's place in popular culture, the science of wiffle pitching, and the recent surge in wiffle leagues and tournaments.  Along the way, sidebars give the reader wiffle recollections from such diverse folk as Grady Sizemore, Julius Erving and Nick Jonas (!).  And trivia: guess how much the Wiffle Ball, Inc. has spent on marketing since 1975?  (Answer below)

The evolution of the leagues had me most interested, because it reminded me of Oakwood Whiffle and Ale at certain points.  Each of these organizations (and by this book's use of the term OW&AC is not a league, but more of a regular pick-up game) found their pitchers rapidly outpacing their batters, and needed to find ways to get away from the 1-0 games and the 0-0 ties.  Comfortingly, they drew upon the same solutions we considered at our rules committee: moving back the mound and homerun derbies.

Mind you, as the book points out, wiffle ball was invented to be a strikeout game: for suburban backyards where it can be a pain to retrieve a ball if it is hit too far, and window breaking is a serious possibility.

I have no idea if it's an accident or by design of the OW&AC Founders, but it seems that most "leagues" start at about a 40 to 42 foot pitching distance, and then gradually extend to about 48 feet.  OW&AC is right in there with our 41 foot mound - part of the great national fabric of wiffle.

There.  That should keep you warm for a few more weeks.

Wiffle Ball: The Ultimate Guide, by Michael Hermann and The Wiffle Ball, Inc. Triumph Books, 2010.

(Marketing budget since 1975: $0)

And then came the Whiffies!

The diligent work of the Rules Committee was rewarded with plentiful plates of Tank's food: there were burgers with and without cheese, wings and fries galore, plentiful pitchers and large cups of water with lemon.  Once gastronomically sated, Master of Ceremonies, Commissioner Peter Berwald began the main program of the evening: The Whiffies.

Peter holding a Whiffie

Fashioned by hand as a joint effort of Glen Cebulash and da Commish, this year's Whiffies feature a brown glass bottle and a whole, genuine OW&AC game-used wiffle ball!  Glen cut, glued, and nailed the plaque frames; Peter added the photos, inscriptions and the bottle/balls.  Truly, works of art.

Honoring each Whiffler that took to the asphalt in the 2010, Peter read the inscription on each plaque.  They combined humor and a fair sprinkling of statistics to capture the flavor of each one's season.  Here we see Laura Hume finding something a great deal funnier than Dave Bush.

After encapsulating 16 players' seasons, it came time for the Commissioner to honor a player who had an exemplary season with the League MVP Trophy.  The recipient was a clear choice in Peter's words: Kurt Mosser, who's league-leading batting was coupled with a pitching ERA just north of 1.

Note that this photo caught the boyish charm of Eric Zamonski and his lovable sidekick, Disembodied Hand.  Such zanies, they are.

Here's the MVP with his hardware.  This trophy is a one of a kind likeness of Tank Killabrew, the League mascot, modeled in clay and fabric, the work of Commissioner Peter Berwald.  It was announced that this trophy will be the permanent MVP trophy for the OW&AC, passing from one MVP to the next each year.    Who doesn't want this in their house next December, huh?

Peter then turned the proceedings over to Glen Cebulash, who fashioned the "Commissioner's Award" for 2010, pictured below.

Inspired by the legend of the sword in the stone, this piece features the bat in the asphalt plus another genuine, OW&AC game-used wiffle ball.  Immediately nicknamed the John Kruk Trophy, it was awarded to Matt Lindsay for statistical and bloggical contributions to the League.  Asked to say a few words, a genuinely surprised Matt thanked the players for tolerating his evident need to keep score and quantify what really should just be a morning's fun. And thus the ceremonies came to a close.

But the merriment continued...

.. until the room looked like this.

Again, many thanks to Peter Berwald for a season's worth of work supporting the games and the Whiffies, Glen Cebulash for the same, Tim Baker for rounding up our tables for the banquet, and Brent Mackintosh for a season's worth of Theory Session umpiring, and working to arrange the venue for the Whiffies.

Gentlemen, it was a hit.

The sweet righty swing of Tim "Boog" Baker

Witness to the Committee

Last night at Tank’s the luminaries of the Oakwood Whiffle and Ale League had before them a transformational opportunity.  “Opportunity” because for that shining moment, they gathered for the first time in memory as a “Rules Committee” empowered to re-imagine Whiffle as we know it.  “Transformational” because the slate of rules before them, if adopted, promised to re-make Saturday Morning into an exuberant, joyful exhibition of sporting bat-and-ball play.  There were eight carefully crafted rule proposals, each designed in their own way to increase run production, and all merited consideration.  

It seemed that all were united in purpose: that there should be more offense, so that 2-0 leads do not feel insurmountably large. But the Whiffle Sages, the Founders if you will, prevailed upon the committee to consider the import of the "history" and the "traditions" that are the foundation of our Whiffle and Ale Club.  They urged the assembled to be wary of the easy attraction of "run production" and "offensive stats."

And their guidance did hold sway as proposal after proposal was voted down, to the delight of the gallery.

So what was achieved?  Passing on the chance to revolutionize the game, the committee chose to subtly embroider the edges.  It was agreed to add a new “Groundout Line” at about the distance of the pitching rubber.  To record a ground out, pitcher must field the ball inside this new, smaller area.  Balls passing through this area will be recorded as singles, as in the past (the doubles line will remain further back, unchanged).  This will have the effect of marginally increasing singles (which are already the result of over 27% of all at-bats) and marginally decreasing ground outs (which are already only 12% of at-bats).

And then, the most controversial proposal of the meeting: The Automatic Grand Slam.  Currently if a foul ball passes through the basketball hoop at the east end of the backstop wall, it is an automatic grand slam (regardless of the actual runners on base at the time), four RBI.  This proposal would award the same ruling to a foul ball through the hoop at the west end of the backstop as well.  OH.  MY.  GOD.  You would have thought we were discussing using mitts.  The “East Hoopers” waged a furious argument to keep the west hoop out of the game.  They even went so far as to distract the committee over whether the proposal should read “both hoops” or “either hoop.”  An evenly divided committee left Commissioner Berwald in the uncomfortable position of the tie-breaking vote.  The committee fell silent to hear his decision; “either hoop” was the call.  And thus the infinitesimally unlikely possibility that a foul ball would pass through the basketball hoop for a grand slam (it has never happened before) just got imperceptibly more possible with the addition of the West Hoop.

So there we have it.  More singles and another virtually impossible shot at a grand slam.  Only 16 weeks until opening day!