Batting a Thousand

A milestone was reached yesterday as the League reached the 1,000th at-bat of the 2010 season.  In the bottom of the third, with Kurt Mosser on the rubber, Peter Berwald stepped into the batters box and became Batter 1,000.  The game was paused for a brief ceremony, as pictured above.

It is very appropriate that da Commish be a part of this scene.  At this moment, captured above, as the League celebrated the 1,000 at-bat, Peter Berwald was either the batter or the pitcher in 325 of those at-bats.  Just under a third of all matchups involve him.  Amazing.

In this particular at bat, da Commish got a single.

This Confounding Game

I had a conversation with an American recently, and he proceeded to voice some of the typical solipsisms Americans hold dear about Football, or as he called it, "Soccer."  "How can a game that doesn't care who wins, doesn't even care if someone scores, be a sport, really?"  This statement was delivered in stereotypically American fashion.  No recognition that it might not be the majority opinion in America.  No acknowledgment of its hypocrisy.  As if American "sports" have no internal contradictions.

Take this game of Whiffle, for example.

In yesterday's action at Nance Brads, our Commish and Matt hosted Kurt and Tim in a six-inning game.  The final score -
Kurt, Tim - 1
Peter, Matt - 2
- does not reveal the confounding inner workings of this game.

First, there is no way to say this nicely, Stats was totally useless at the plate.  (Someone should tell him - his head is flying out on every swing.)  The home side took 5 turns at bat - 15 outs.  Matt made 11 of them.  ELEVEN.  There were two innings, TWO, in which Matt made all three outs, a height to which Kurt could not dare dream.  It was as if the Commish was playing 1-on-2 and he only got 1 out per inning.  He had to be perfect.

And he nearly was.  The Commish went 8-for-12 on this day (7 singles and a double).

But with all that, Matt drove in the team's 2 runs, with 2-rbi triple of Baker in the second.  How, I ask, is that possible?  Can that be right?

Then there was the pitching.  Peter entered this game with an ERA just above 1; Matt with an ERA of exactly 6.  Six is a watershed level for Whiffle ERAs.  It's a dividing line between pitchers and throwers, like the Mendoza Line is for batters.  It needs a name - so please send your suggestions for the name of this line in the comments to this post.

Peter and Stats pitched with little trouble in their first rotations, and stranded five runners total in their second times pitching.  But it was Peter, da Commish, who surrendered the visitors' only run in the sixth, when Kurt lashed an opposite field triple to drive in one run.

Let me state that again for emphasis.  KURT LASHED AN OPPOSITE FIELD TRIPLE.  I venture that there has never been a ball hit in this league that was farther away from the defending players than this triple.  With Stats right around the doorway, this ball landed just fair in the triples area right down the left field line.  I guess real men hit it where they ain't.

Glen's Poetry - as interpreted by an eye-witness

Of Mere Whiff

The scoresheet at the end of the mind
Beyond the last inning, reads,
In the bronze distance, 10-2. [Brent, Glen, Kurt - 2  |  Peter, Dave - 10]

A bald-headed bird
sings over the scoresheet, without human meaning,
Without human feeling, a four-run song.
[Brent loaded the bases in the first, and da Commish hit a liner over two fielders for a grand salami.]

You know then that it is not the final score
That makes us happy or unhappy. [Kurt hit everything in sight for singles or more.]
The bird sings. Its head shines. [Peter had the bases loaded on him but somehow got out unscathed.]

The scoresheet stands on the edge of space.
The wind moves slowly above and below its numbers. [Glen struck out the side in the second inning to cool down Peter and Dave.]
Dave Eldridge gave up two runs. [Dave Eldridge gave up two runs]

Of Mere Whiff

The cherry at the end of the mind
Beyond the last inning, looms
In the bronze distance.
[Glen was basically giddy with excitement over the night game - grill out evening. Rachel and the kids were away and he was acting a like a kid with a new bike!]

A well-heeled Republican
Swings his arms on the asphalt, without human meaning,
a foreign dance.  [There was a great grill-out, complete with good imported beer at Glen's - Dave had to leave fairly early because he planned on getting up around 4:30 - 5:00.]

You know then that it is not the score
That makes us happy or unhappy. [Dave and Peter touched up the Artist for three runs during Glen's second time pitching.]
The Republican swings. His pitches glide.

The perfect ERA stands on the edge of space.
The pitches move slowly down the pike.
The two crushing doubles pop the cherry.
[Dave gave up two runs on a single and two doubles which of course became the talk of the night and week.]

-- Wallace Stevens, 1954 

Pesto!

There is an expression in Whiffle: "One bad inning."  Most applicable to today's whiffle action.  Innings 2 through 5 today were taut affairs, with the home side scoring one run and the visitors scoring none.  But as luck would have it, the game didn't start in the second inning.  No, there was a first.

Stats took the ball to start the game facing a team of Kurt, Commish and a placeholder for Glen if he ever showed.  Glen did not show, so there was no let up in the lineup.  It looked to be another of Stats' "bend-don't-break" kind of innings.  Kurt's 2-out single loaded the bases, following up Peter's single and Kurt's double.  Peter worked a long AB, found one he liked and lined it straight at Dave (R-OH) in the triples area.  The ball found asphalt AFTER finding Dave's right hand AND his left hand.    The three-run triple opened the floodgates as Stats labored through 5 more singles, allowing 3 more runs. 

Not surprisingly, Stats is thinking about adding UN-earned runs to the stats next season.

So, down six before they touched the bat, Dave, Chris (the overgrown boy scout) Anderson, and Matt struggled to make up the deficit.  Dave led off the game with a blast that Kurt caught on the "run" about a foot off the ground well past the HR line.  Dave later created the only run for the day, with a double and a triple off the Commish in the third.  A 1-out bases loaded rally against Kurt in the 4th was snuffed by strikeouts of Chris and Matt. 

So even though they never scored after the first, the visitors were winners:

Kurt, Commish, ______ - 6
Dave, Chris, Stats - 1

All players received a jar of pesto for participating in today's game.  Thank you, Kirsten!

Notes:
Kurt's uncharacteristic hustle to run down Dave's bid for a homer in the first proved quite significant: Dave ended the game only a homer short of the cycle!

Allowing 2 runs on Wednesday raised Dave's ERA to 1.06.  He has been back to his old self and at the close of today's game, his ERA is down to 0.95.

King Whiffle

The new fun ball!

Artistry from Glen

Of Mere Whiff

The scoresheet at the end of the mind
Beyond the last inning, reads,
In the bronze distance, 10-2.

A bald-headed bird
sings over the scoresheet, without human meaning,
Without human feeling, a four-run song.

You know then that it is not the final score
That makes us happy or unhappy.
The bird sings. Its head shines.

The scoresheet stands on the edge of space.
The wind moves slowly above and below its numbers.
Dave Eldridge gave up two runs.

Of Mere Whiff

The cherry at the end of the mind
Beyond the last inning, looms
In the bronze distance.

A well-heeled Republican
Swings his arms on the asphalt, without human meaning,
a foreign dance.

You know then that it is not the score
That makes us happy or unhappy.
The Republican swings. His pitches glide.

The perfect ERA stands on the edge of space.
The pitches move slowly down the pike.
The two crushing doubles pop the cherry.

-- Wallace Stevens, 1954

Soccer and Whiffle

We have here a whiffle game that had all the drawn out drama and excitement of a soccer match.  No kidding. And in a couple of ways R-Dave, the Artist and Kurt played like Team USA in the World Cup.  Allow me to elucidate.

First and foremost, they gave up an early score.  2 actually.  Glen allowed a 2-out single to the Commish, followed by a long homer off Stats’ bat that split the outfielders.  2-0 after one and a half.  Like Team USA, from an early point, the Home Side would play from behind.  And play well they did, holding Stats, Laura and Peter to only three more hits in the game, and no more runs.  But could they score??

They posed threats the first two times Stats pitched (2 on, 2 out in the first; 2 on, none out in the fourth) but Matt wriggled out of the jams thanks to the defense.  Peter's shoe-tops catch in the 4th robbed R-Dave of a triple and ended that inning.  They faltered in the second as well as Peter struck out the side.  Laura adopted the tried and true approach - let ‘em hit it.  Kurt, Dave and Glen  looked silly as she made quick work of them in the third (groundout, fly out, groundout).  Peter handled a 2 on, none out jam in the fifth with a similar series of groundouts and a fly out.  Then came the sixth.

Laura’s second turn on the mound did not have the same results as the first.  Single, triple, triple tied the score after about 7 pitches.  Hume knuckled down for two fly outs but then surrendered another single, bringing the Artist to the plate - 2 out, 2 on.  Glen picked one out he liked and SPANKED IT.  That ball was crushed, dear readers.  As big a home run ball as there has been in this league, I daresay, except that it never found the asphalt.  Stats, on a dead run away from the plate, made a leaping, over the shoulder catch to keep the match level.  

At this time, the sides agreed on one extra inning.  R-Dave made quick work with his batters - 3 Ks.  Stats had similar ease with his three - fly out and 2 Ks.  Extra time expired as 11:00 am approached.  So, like Team USA, the home side never experienced what it is like TO PLAY WITH A LEAD.

Matt, Laura, Peter 2 : 2 Dave, Glen, Kurt        (Draw)

Stats Notes
Eldridge was a little off his game.  Oh, he was still 9 up, 9 down, but three batters had fly balls off him.  Actual contact.  Still, Dude’s unhittable.

Laura allowed two runs in two innings, whilst LOWERING her ERA to 19.06.  Way to go, Hume!  Trust your defense.

My apologies to Glen, who I erroneously said I shared the HR lead with after the second inning.  Glen was correct; he still leads with 4.  Note the updated stats now provide totals for all extra base hits.