Rubén Sierra Mist Opportunities

It was the sort of rain that isn't even a weather system, but fell down simply because the air decided that 106% relative humidity just isn't a thing.  And Lisa, in THIS house we OBEY the laws of thermodynamics!  At least it waited til we were walking to our cars to sprinkle though so it was fine.  But seriously, I haven't been this gooey since Heather Locklear caused me to instantly hit puberty in 1983.  Getting back to the game writeup however...  What can we say about today's game, other than that, much like the Whit Stillman film upon which it was based, felt waaay longer than its 122 minute running time and was a bit talky.  And more than a bit ball-droppy too since the absurdly thick air ensured that nearly everybody booted at least one seemingly easy popup (which nobody could've caught) due to the epic hangtime that a plastic wiffeball achieves as it ebbs its way through a fluid with the viscosity of corn oil.  In our collective defense, it's hard to keep your mind from wandering when you have three minutes to stare up into the bleary grayness and think about your life and your misguided choices that all led up to this one play.  Which you now know you're going to blow horribly.   It was basically a two hour-long live action Demotivators poster.  My only real clear memory of it all was Adrian and Mason slapping unplayable singles off every bad pitch I threw all day.  Which was a lot of them.  And our Hapless Halenry eventually did get off the schnide but it wasn't enough, and we went down in flames to something like 7-2 I guess since I forgot to snap a pic of the scoresheet before Matt sped off with it.  To some air conditioning I hope.  

https://shorturl.at/yQRrC

Bratislava

The title refers to the capitol of Slovakia; and it is a fun word to say, but has nothing to do with the game, today.

We all were fortunate that Lindsay relented and let Zach play wiffle on the morning they were leaving for Bratislava, because we were treated to an offensive barrage not seen in many a game. Zach was 4-for-8 at the plate before he departed in the middle of the 7th inning. Those four included 3 homers (one that HIT THE TRUCK!!). Those three homers were one each off of all three pitchers on the opposing team: Brad, J.D. and Eric. Those homers generated 5 RBI in a game that was close early and blown open late. Final score 9-2.

In other words, they could have won without Zach's 5 RBI. He didn't HAVE to play.

OTOH, they might not have won without his pitching: 3 IP, 0 runs, 5 K. SO maybe it is best that his wife let him play.

Brad, JD, Eric - 2 runs, 15 hits

Adrian, Matt, Peter, Zach - 9 runs, 17 hits

HR - Zach 3 (7)

A Salute to ... Dads

Father-Son Day at the Wiffle park produced some Oedipal Drama

Ten players in all showed up for Memorial Day holiday wiffle ball. Among these were Isaac and his two sons Lane and Finn, Commish Peter and son Walker Berwald. Later Zach's awfully cute son Adrian arrived with mom Lindsay (awesome name) in tow.

Top of the first Andy beaned Isaac with a fastball to the head, eliciting audible cheers from Lane and Finn. Not to be thrown off, however, Isaac did collect his first base knock of the young season. He would spend the rest of the game taunting his sons from the outfield or the dugout during their at-bats.

Not to be outdone, Walker beaned his old man from the mound. But Pete got his revenge - going 2-for-2 off the (much) younger Berwald.

But dad of the day honors go to Zach, who over the audible objections of Lindsay said it was fine for his son Adrian to play in the field while Zach batted. He then promptly stung an opposite field hard grounder right at his son, who was spared the plastic sting by the (much) older and wiser Adrian Z.

Underscoring all the family drama was a true pitchers' duel which went in to the last two innings as a 1-0 game. Total strikeouts for all batters in this game was 35 - a season high. 

Finn then had a rough inning and allowed three runs to give the Visitors a 3-1 advantage going into the bottom of the last inning. 

The storyline WOULD have been Matt's solo homer and subsequent bases loaded single to tie the game, except that drama dad himself, Peter, went ahead and hit a walkoff grand slam to end the game with a final score of 7-3. Peter's 5-for-8 day, 2 doubles, GS homerun and 5 RBI were easily the line of the day.

Happy early fathers day, y'all.

Isaac, Lane, Mason, Zach, Walker - 3 runs | 11 hits

Adrian, Andy, Finn, Matt, Peter - 7 runs  | 15 hits

HR - Mason (1st), Matt (2nd), Peter (2nd)

Today's Improbables

The puddle broom was out Saturday morning at NBF, but so was the Sun, and aside from a short porch in Left-Center to accommodate Lake Homer, the water thankfully wasn't too much of a factor.  (Things to buy:  glitter chalk, waterproof chalk, more balls)  The game turned out to be a rare one-sided rout with the Vans vaulting past the Hapless Hans pretty much the whole game.  Team selections are usually really competitive but you knew something was amiss when Zamonski started off 4-4, was leading his team in RBIs, and then HOMERED fer chrissakes.  Whatever got into that guy don't worry, it won't last.  They certainly didn't hire him for his bat.  

This week's game was asterisked in a more procedural way as well.  Multiple members of The Halens had to boogie early so the Vans traded Zack to the opposing team for the final innings.  Which makes the scoresheet look odd by hey, the show went and wiffleball continued which is what counts.   

The league simultaneously welcomed, and wished happy trails to, cuppa coffee A J "Plankton".  A J was visiting from the OK state and padded his playing stats with that week's winning trivia answer on Wednesday night, which definitely counts as Ale points.  Breviti, versatili, triviali.

Reminder to anybody reading:  BUY MORE WIFFLE BALLS!  Tis the season for those wintered-over inventory wiffleballs to crack, and windy days bring hungrier rooftops.  

Reminder #2:  Next week is Oakwood's That Day In May Parade which occupies Shafor Blvd all morning and closes it off to all cross-traffic.  So if your normal route to NBF is by coming off Shroyer, as mine is, you will have to reroute and get to the field from Far Hills Ave.   

Adrian, Eric, Matt, Pete, Walker, Zack  -  19

Brad, J D, Mark, A J, Rob [Zack]  -  3?

Home Runs  -  Eric (!), Matt, Pete, Walker, Zack, Brad

Catalepsy on a Hot Thin Spoof

It turned into a glorious morning for Wiffleball, not warm, but sunny and nice and the mild breeze coming in towards the batter made the fielding interesting.  Lots of uncatchable diving doubles resulted which likely boosted the overall ribeye count for the day.  Scoringwise it was a good ol' seesaw affair with multiple lead changes, and nip and tuck until the very last out of the game.  Mound defense was a big factor, possibly also due to the wind.  But it led to some ferociously feline forays, with Matt The Cat catapulting to cataclysm, much to the caterwalling of the hapless hitters.  Zack had the only swing hard enough to overcome the weird wind, and even that one died just barely beyond the line.  Oddly though nobody ever popped one back to the roof, which you'd think would've happened alot today.  Today wasn't the *official* opening day game of the season but it sure had that feeling.  Great to be back and see everybody!  

Adrian, Eric, JD, Zack  -  9

Mason, Matt, Pete, Rob  -  6

HR  -  Zack

The Johnny Vander Meer of Not Swinging

Sun drenched, heat soaked, baked out like sauerkraut.  This week's game contained all of the usual friendly rivalries, but really we were all battling one common enemy:  the heat.  It was unrelenting.  First guys on the mound got to pitch in the shade at least but then that was it.  Just sucking on heat index til the last strike was mercifully recorded and we could all slink away to go sip ice water in our respective ACs.  

Commish showed up bright and early to set things up and pick teams, but then had to immediately beat it to go attend to some important day drinking---er, I mean "event planning" for Walker's impending nuptials.  Which I'd not known about, congrats big guy!  

Gamewise, it was a fun seesaw affair with three lead changes.  The Vaunted Vans plated two in their first frame but then the Happenin' Halens harangued them for four to grab the lead.  Then it was tied, and finally the Visitors were Victorious with one last ribbie that would prove the gamewinner.  Teams were well-matched all around but it wouldn't have been a one-run squeaker if the Home Team Homies hadn't been so brilliant in the field.  Zack pulled off a rare legit slapback play beyond the wall to convert a Brad HR into a triple which ended up saving a run.  But this week's DRS leader was clearly "Tyler Wells" Andy who strapped on the velcro suit and turned in three, count em three, Gorilla Glue™ stickyfinger nabs-o-the-day.  Who says ballplayers aren't athletes!    

Re the blog title:  I took two consecutive pitches without swinging which Zack guessed was probably an all-time personal record.  Which led to me dubbing myself the titular character.  

Adrian, Brad, Eric, Jeff  -  7

Andy, Jim, Rodney, Zack  -  6

HRs  -  Jeff (2), Andy

Rookies Rippin' It

Nance Bradds Field saw a morning game as ooey-gooey as a Bill's frosted sprinkle in the sun, but it didn't seem to slow down the new guys.  OWAC welcomed Rodney to the league and he marked his debut by homering in his first-ever game, which is pretty hard to do against veteran pitching.   It would also turn out to be his team's only run.  On the Home Team side, Mason, also a freshmen, also klonked a nice longball.  Which is exactly one more HR than Zamonski hit today.  Or last season.  Or the season before that...  Speaking of rookies, cameo appearances today included Zack's cute-as-a-button son who, although refusing to cheer on the old man, is showing some early promise as a fielder.  Go kid!    

Tree Rule Reference:  today the tree rule came into play---or almost did, if JD had caught it falling out of the branches.  I was sure I remembered we'd altered the rule to allow for falling out of the tree catches to be an out but Commish disagreed and upheld the automatic homerun interpretation.  However...while writing this blog I happened to stumble back across a blog writeup from Oct 17, 2020, "Spank You For Your Service", which appears to indicate that then-Pete disagrees with now-Pete.  It has been five years after all, plenty of time for a wiffle rule to become urban legend, then regular legend, legend to become myth etc.  In any case see what you think, seems at least worth revisiting.  Especially if players not named Jeff are gonna be mashing tree shots as well.  Who did hit that one today btw?  

https://thisweekinwhiff.blogspot.com/2020/10/spank-you-for-your-service.html

Eric, JD, Rodney, Zack  -  1

Andy, Mason, Walker  -  7

HRs:  Andy (2), Mason, Walker, Rod Carew Argent King Stewart Dangerfield

Precious And Few Are The Moments We Two Can Throw At The Guy's Head

It was a dazzlingly sunny October morn with temperatures that, like the Channel Islands in WWII, or my pitching, started off nippy but ended up aiding and comforting the enemy.  The vaunted, vintage Vans of Eric-JD-Mark struck early and appeared dominant.  But the Hardy Halens' fielding and batting slowly warmed to the task and they death-by-papercutted the Guys in the White Hats until they'd captured the lead, never to relinquish.  Before he had to dash off early, Zack turned in one of the highest density quality innings you could want:  mowed us down in succession, raced to the plate as leadoff batter, went yard immediately, grabbed his stuff and vanished in a cloud of dust before we knew what hit us.  Fielding was really the theme today tho.  The first two (eventually meaningless) batters of the day got on on two consecutive dropped pop-ups, due mostly to cold hands and a truly blinding morning sun.  But from then on out it seemed everybody brought their track shoes and ate their wheaties today because half the ABs ended in somebody scampering over to snag an out.  With the exception of Pete's 800 or so hard slappers straight to the edge of the pitchers mound which I don't think anybody managed to field off their shins.  Oh, and there were donuts and a brief timeout for some Amish-looking dude and his kids.  All part of the show, folks!  

Eric, JD, Mark ............................... 18 hits, 6 runs

Adrian, Peter, Walker, Zack .......... 21 hits, 8 runs

HRs  =  JD, Walker, Zack

That 14-3 Day in May

So let's just leave it at this: 

Everyone on the winning team had as many (or more) SINGLES than everyone on the losing team had.. AT BATS.

Here are some "action" shots from today's fixture:

Basically Unhittable

Not Enough Hitting

Hansoo, Isaac, Jeff: 14 runs, 31 hits

Eric, JD, Matt, Peter: 3 runs, 11 hits

HR: Jeff (5)

How do YOU spell shellacking? Schellaque?

Proving the Fallacy

They say wiffle is all offense. "Home Run Derby!" "Ghost Runners!"

Well, today's clash of wiffle warriors went 9 innings and saw not one.. not three.. but TWO runs score the whole morning.

Leadoff solo homer by Brad. Ninth inning solo home by J.D. That's it. That's the list! 

Two-Nothing visitors.

By the way (no way to prove this but) Zach - reigning MVP not withstanding - may have had teh worst wiffle day ever. 0-for-6 is the start but he managed to make three of those outs on FOUL BALLS. He also surrendered the first inning, thus "game winning" homer.

Rough shakes, Zach. You'll get 'em next time.

Towering Piso

There's something about Professors of Philosophy. In their prime - they can dominate this league.

Let us take a moment to appreciate the season we are witnessing from one Professor Zach Piso, PhD. Just another day at the park, Zach went 5-for-8 today with 2 singles, a double, a triple, and a homer. That's a cycle of course, and not the first he's hit this year.

The Double and the Triple were each the 10th of the year for him. He is now double digits in doubles, triples and homers.

That homer (and its 3 RBIs) added to his league leading tallies in those categories. Those sit now at 14 HR and 53 RBI.

Going 5-for-8 whilst Jeff went 3-for-8 means Zach now leads the league in BA at 0.518. So that's the Triple Crown, friends. Of course the season isn't over, but still - the numbers are stunning.

But in fact, right now Zach leads the league in...

1. Batting Average
2. Slugging Percentage
3. OPS
4. ABs (tied with Peter)
5. Hits
6. Doubles
7. Triples
8. Home Runs
9. Runs Batted In
10. Wins

That's the Ten-ple Crown!

The only categories he does not lead the league in are singles and walks. These are like 2014-2015 Kurt Mosser numbers. This is 2015 Bryce Harper-level stats right here, and we get to witness it every Saturday.

Eric, Finn, Jeff, Pete, Walker - 0 runs, 8 hits

Adrian, Hansoo, Isaac, Matt, Zach - 8 runs, 20 hits

HR: Zach (14), Adrian (2)

Wiffle Magic, Feel it Happen

While I think most would like to see their wiffle games end up with a score like 10-9, today's 3-2 contest had a certain charm to it. Certainly, the line of the day belonged to Zach: 6-for-9, homer-shy of the cycle, and 2 critical RBI in a game his team won by one run. He also pitched 2 scoreless innings. So, all in all a good day.

But did you hear about Stats' day? Matt, stalwart O's fan, went 2-for-11, with one RBI. His two hits, though, came in the same pivotal inning - the top of the 8th.  Matt led off the inning with a sharp single. This was followed by another hit to put 2 on. Then two outs brought Stats back to the plate with a tie score, two out and the go-ahead run in scoring position. Two strikes, and then a low liner just drops into the doubles area. Matt drove in himself for what proved to be the winning run.

He also pitched the bottom of the eighth. It turned out to be the only inning this year in which a pitcher got zero Ks, and also surrendered no runs. Shut. Down.

You may also not be aware that during Jeff's first inning on the mound - a 1-2-3 inning as per usual - Matt composed a three movement concerto for strings and bassoon.

While patrolling the outfield in the bottom of the fifth, Stats mediated a South American constitutional dispute over the authorities of the upper parliamentary chamber vis-à-vis the the supreme court. 

Further, Matt debunked the Zamonski Hypothesis on Rock & Roll and.. and developed an algorithm that, with 98.23% accuracy explains the adult contemporary chart pattern of Michael McDonald's yacht rock hits between 1979 and midway through 1982. 

Some scholars assert that Stats may have been the author of Merchant of Venice. However, claims that he also authored some of Shakespeare's sonnets are disputed.

But still, all in all - a good day.

Hansoo, Matt, Walker, Zach - 3 runs, 14 hits

Adrian, Andy, Eric, Jeff, Pete - 2 runs, 13 hits

HR: Evans (4, 1 on)

Tradition

Baseball has many holiday traditions: green caps in March, pink and blue bats in May and June, Fourth of July caps, Disco Demolition just to name a few. Because, as we know, OW&AC is just like baseball we have traditions, too.

For instance, the Commissioner uses a different color of chalk each week. Festive!!

And in those special years in which the Saturday before Easter falls during Passover, wifflers (and their fans!) get a special treat. 

WE GET TO DYE THE WIFFLE BALLS!!!!!

So today the Commish (did you know? He also teaches ART) set up a wiffle ball craft table in the visitor dugout (right behind the hand-operated scoreboard). There were lots of pretty colors and glitter glue.

When in a safe space like Nance Bradds Field, and given the time and care, wifflers can really show their empathic and introspective selves through their art. To wit...

So pretty!!

And note how skillfully they made those wiffle holes appear round. The Commish can teach anything. Actually, the photo really doesn't do them justice.

It was really a lot of fun, and a nice diversion from the rigors of what has been a long wiffle season. There was only one fight, when Andy didn't want to share the purple dye. 

Well, anyway, when all the arts and crafts were cleaned up, everyone's hands were dyed and sticky and no one wanted to play wiffle. People were heading back to their cars and honeydo lists. 

But the the Commish took off his Artsy Beret and put on his Commissioner Helmet and insisted we play wiffle. So we did.

Adrian, Hansoo, Jeff, Matt - 0 runs, 7 hits

Andy, Isaac, Peter, Walker - 8 runs, 15 hits

HR: Evans (1), Bokros (1)

The wind giveth, and the wind taketh away

Opening Day is an all-around feel good day. Everyone is in the best shape of their lives. A whole season of possibilities (all of them good) lay ahead. The wiffle balls are shiny and new.

No less than 12 wifflers answered the irresistible siren call of the season opener. And as Zach let fly the first pitch in anger under a sunny, breezy sky, all the elements of nature were in perfect balance and all was seen to be good.

Except there were no donuts. How the #^@% are we supposed to have OPENING FRICKIN' DAY without donuts?!?!? Pageantry and nostalgia.. for naught.

Until J.D. solved this problem by running to Ashley's in the top of the second and got a box of carb-o-liscious pastry. Today's MVP: J.D.

Oh, there was a game, too. Home-standers took this one 4-1. Wind-blown blast of the day came off the childish red bat as swung by Walker, making the most of a pitch by Matt. That three-run blast was the margin of victory.

There were other wind aided hits as the ball danced away from the outfielders' hands. Also, dibbled foul balls were blown back fair for outs.

The stats page got a great start to the season as 12 gentlemen posted ABs. Check them out all season for the link here at the blog.

Adrian, Andy, Isaac, Hansoo, Matt, Peter - 1 run, 12 hits

Eric, JD, Jeff, Tom, Walker, Zach - 4 runs, 16 hits

HR: Berwald the Younger (1)

Spring Stats Don't Count

The OW&AC had its first and last Grapefruit League game today - a slugfest that ended in a 0-0 tie, called after 6 innings. It was warm (enough) in the sun. The stats - note that everyone's ERA stands at 0.00 - do not count.

If they did count Matt would be leading the League with a .667 average (6-for-9), a sweet .777 slugging, and a slash line of .667/.667/1.444. Those are, by the way, MVP-type numbers.

But spring stats do not count.

Peter's .444 average, and Adrian's .400 would round off the top three hitters in the league - but spring stats do not count.

So come out to Wiffle Opening Day next week when Matt is sure to go 0-for-the-day and strike out 5 times.

Adrian, Jeff, Peter - 0 runs, 10 hits

Matt, Walker, Zach - 0 runs, 8 hits

HR: Spring Stats Don't Count

Zamonski's 50th Birthday Bash -- Saturday Sept 24th -- 6pm-???

Hey OWAC Wifflers, I'm throwing myself a 50th birthday bash on Saturday Sept 24th at 650 Creighton Ave 45410. My front yard has the first tree on the right.  Party's out back, walk through the fence gate on the right side of the house and follow the balloons and noise to the back yard. Show up anytime after 6pm and stay til you fall, disappear, or get arrested.  I'll be serving burgers and dogs off the grill plus sides, bring your own beverages and see you there!  

(Trapper John mustache rides sold separately)

When is a Fauxlami just a Fake Fauxlami?

OWAC welcomed back veteran wiffler Hansoo to the sunny confines of Nance Bradds Field today with a good ol' 4-on-4 Wily Oldsters vs Spry Youngsters matchup.  It turned out to be a relatively low-scoring affair with superb pitching on both sides.  Team Spry threatened all the way to the final out but in the end Team Old held off their rally to win it by two.  Today's Goat-Hero award goes to Andy "the Fence Factor" for having both the best and the worst fielding plays of the day, in nearly exactly the same spot right at the HR line, and both off Zach.  Mmm-mmm, that's some tasty symmetry!  

Rules Committee Note:  During today's Titanic Struggle, the following question arose (because it very nearly happened):  If a pitch bounces off the batter's body--elbow, shoulder, etc---and flies through the basketball hoop, should that be counted as a "fauxlami" grand slam?  Generally a pitch that hits the batter's body is automatically a dead ball so, by default, the answer would seem to be no.  That said there would be a certain poetic justice in going the other way with it and punishing the pitcher for his wild pitch by rewarding the hit batsman with a four-bagger.  Plus it honors the exceedingly rare weirdness of the ball-thru-the-hoop phenomenon, which after all is the whole point of the Fauxlami Rule to begin with.  In any case we should probably put it to a vote in the time-honored method:  we all meet at Tanks, get too drunk to think clearly and too rowdy to listen as Peter calls out the ayes and nays, and then something is "officially" decided with that decision being both forgotten and challenged for years to come.   

Brad, Tonya, Walker, Zach  -  12 hits, 3 runs

Andy, Eric, Hansoo, Peter  -  12 hits, 5 runs

Home Runs  -  Zach, Andy, Peter

Who ya gonna believe, me, or your own lyin' eyes?

It was a quiet, subdued little game today.  There were very fine people on both sides.  Some guys did some stuff.  And some of them, I assume, are good people.  But other'n that I can't really think of anything much to...oh wait:  I HIT A HOME RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A grander no less!  I know that I've hit home runs before at some point in my OWAC career but I honestly cannot remember the last one.  Teammate Andy thought he recalled being in the outfield once when I hit one at some point pre-COVID year.  So that means it's been at least three years.  Perhaps Matt can comb through the archives from the "dead(wiffle)ball era" and check.  At any rate I think I can confidently speak for nearly all of my secret government lab-created dopplegangers when I say that I'm just thankful I was here to witness myself doing it.  

Adrian, Peter, Walker, Zach ............. 4 hits, 0 runs

Andy, Brad, Eric, Mark ...................... 15 hits, 9 runs 

One Fairly Normal Game, One Very Strange Stat

It was a typically hot sunny August morning for today's matchup at Nance Bradds Field.  Nine hearty souls appeared and played, also a pretty average number.  The Visiting Vans ran it up 3-0 and held the lead for a few frames, but the Heralded Halens applied steady pressure and in late innings some timely power hitting from deep in the order to come back for a 7-3 win.  J D's four ribbies on a homer and a long triple was clearly today's MVP performance.  Nice game sir!   

Now again, a 7-3 final, not atypical.  BUT...looking at the scoresheet after the dust settled, one very strange thing emerged:  all nine players today got exactly two singles.  How statistically odd is that?  We'll have to check with Stats, but I'd bet my boots NBF has never seen that occur in a game with at least nine players.  Think about it:  there's usually that one guy who goes full Android Pete Rose mode and racks up like six of 'em (historically Pete, lately Adrian), and then there's also usually one other guy who for whatever reason that day couldn't buy a hit with a suitcase full of $20's (often yours truly, but at least *somebody*).   

National Weather Service Bulletin:  The presence of last week's chalk scoreboard still intact indicates unusually low rainfall totals between gamedays.  Therefore a lipbalm advisory is in effect until 2:00 PM Monday afternoon for Montgomery, Darke, and parts of Mercer County.   And parts of Adrian's mom. 

Andy, Brad, J D, Peter, Eric:  12 Hits, 7 Runs

Adrian, Jeff, Tom, Zach:  10 Hits, 3 Runs

HR:  J D, Zach

There's Someone In My Head, And It's Not Me

A gooey overcast July morning was the setting for this week's mound-adjacent psychological thriller at NBF.  Pitchers were outthinking hitters, hitters were outthinking themselves, and Zamonski's "rich inner life" was revealed to be a desolate lunar mindscape.  The Halens made a good run at a comeback in late innings but Andy's clutch salami remained the game-winning play when the final out was chiseled into the books.  

New Guy Alert:  OWAC welcomes new player Brad Thomas to the league.  (Btw I wonder how many players have homered in their debut games?  It can't be many, nice goin' Brad!)  

Andy, Eric, Peter  -  15 hits, 7 runs

Adrian, Mark, Zach, Brad  -  6 hits, 4 runs

People who did not hit HRs  -  Adrian, Eric